Page 14 of Search for the Lost

Although Crispin possibly didn’t understand what Leo was talking about, he nodded. “O’Hare, yes. Is that like your actor, Catherine O’Hara? I liked her very much in Schitt’s Creek. Did you know that she was a singer as well as an actor?”

“Crispin,” Leo repeated. A little less gently this time.

Crispin looked as if he was going to pinch himself, so Leo took his hand and squeezed it. “Right,” said Crispin. “There are a small number of worlds that are not connected to the others. In some cases this is because whatever is in those worlds is too dangerous. In others, the world used to be connected, but it was severed for some reason. Leo, a substantial number of species have lobbied to sever your world, I’m afraid.”

That was slightly offensive. Sure, Earth had its problems. But so did every other place that Leo had visited. “Are they going to do that?” The thought made him uneasy. He loved sharing Crispin’s treehouse, but—even though Leo had originated elsewhere—Earth was his hometown.

Cypher waved a dismissive hand. “They will not. They really should, but it’s impossible to find decent pizza, chocolate, or pad thai anywhere else. Also, your world is an ant sanctuary.”

Well, that was a relief. But back to the matter at hand. “So this place where we are now—was it never connected at all or was it chopped off? And if so, why?”

“I don’t know.” Crispin sighed. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“Okay, whatever. Obviously it is possible to get here from OotL, at least, because here we are. How do we move on? Can Thea help?”

“No can do,” said Thea, who must have been listening in. “I’m offline.”

Great. A few years back, Leo had traveled to the Midwest in the mistaken belief that life would go more smoothly for him there than on the West Coast. One brutal winter and a series of mishaps had disabused him of that notion, and when spring arrived he decided to abandon Cedar Rapids. He found a ride with a guy who said he had to deliver a car to Seattle and who wanted company for the drive, but the car developed a weird engine knock and the driver inexplicably chose to cut north via a series of state highways. They stopped for gas in a tiny town in the Nebraska Sandhills way past midnight, but of course the station was closed for the night. Leo had gotten out of the car and wandered behind the building to take a leak. He returned just in time to see his new companion driving off… taking Leo’s few possessions with him. Miraculously, Leo had an operational cell phone at the time, but he couldn’t get any service. And besides, he had nobody to call. He spent a miserable night there, shivering under the stars. Luckily, in the morning a local sheriff talked his farmer brother into driving Leo all the way south to I-80 and the nearest Greyhound stop.

Now, Leo was—metaphorically—stuck in the Sandhills again. And it was—both metaphorically and literally—unlikely that any sheriffs or farmers would show up.

Crispin, who’d been lost in his own thoughts, squeezed Leo’s hand. “I don’t think we ought to leave now anyway, even if we could. Acting Oracle Treebark told us that in order to return to our usual states—and find mother—we must complete a quest. Beginning here.”

Leo sighed. He knew that Crispin was right. Aspin must have known too, because although he made a sour face, he didn’t argue. As for Cypher, he was too busy sidling up to Aspin to pay any attention. Good. He needed to keep his distance from Crispin.

Leo looked up at the sky, which was bright enough to make him squint and covered in thick steel-colored clouds. The ground was sticky and crunchy, and the air smelled of Cinnabon and a tire fire. He had no clue how to begin a quest, and none of his companions appeared to know either. “I don’t think I’d want a vacation home here,” he noted. “I’m cold. And it’s hotter than hades.”

A bright yellow square appeared on the ground in front of them. It was roughly three feet by three feet, and when he tentatively stepped on it, it felt solid.

Crispin stood at the edge of the square, head cocked and eyes squinted. Then he stood up straight as if an idea had struck him. “Say that again, Leo. The hades bit.”

“Um, it’s hotter than hades.”

A second square popped up, right next to the original one. It wasn’t as bright, though, and it was several inches smaller. Leo tried again—“Hotter than hades”—and again, and although each repeat produced a square, and the squares formed a pathway, they became progressively dimmer and smaller.

“Sound-activated?” Leo asked.

Crispin shook his head. “I don’t think so. We’d been talking quite a lot and nothing happened. It must have to do with that particular phrase. Only its effects are weakening.”

“So… we need to find another phrase that will work?” Leo asked.

They tried a lot of them, including lines from movies and TV shows, and Aspin and Cypher chipped in as well. Nothing worked. Leo’s stomach was starting to growl. He rubbed his belly. “I hope we find food soon. I could eat a horse.”

A square appeared, as large and bright as the first one. When he repeated the horse thing, they got another square. Reduced, though. He kept on with it until the squares got too small to step on. “We need another phrase. But what?”

“I don’t know!” Crispin sounded more than a little peevish. “Nobody gave us instructions. This is as stupid as a Glebian basket snail.”

Blink! Another square.

It was Aspin who grasped the situation first. “Hyperbole! That’s what causes more of the path to appear. It only took you two a million years to figure it out.”

And… another square.

They tested it out with a couple more phrases: “I’m so tired I could sleep for a week.” “Minkis is still dead to the world.” Even Cypher got in on the action with “Aspin is as handsome as a Tuevelian sun god,” which Leo noted was as hokey as a burlap sack and worse sucking up than a lamprey. But all of that meant more squares, so it was okay.

Their progress was slower than molasses. They were traveling blind. It was going to take them until eternity to reach their goal—whatever that goal might be.

But hey, it’s progress. That’s worth something. “I wonder which of us is gonna get the brains?” Leo muttered. Crispin elbowed him. And away they went.