Page 37 of The Flight Risk

She’s in here. I know it.

I press my ear to the door and hear Lottie pleading, “Stop.” Oakley takes two strides down the hallway and he’s already by my side. I knock incessantly and shout, but no reply. I try to turn the knob again, but no luck. “Dammit!” I want to cry. This is the worst possible thing that could happen. “Lottie?” I shout. “Are you okay?”

I still hear her saying, “Stop. No. Get off of me.”

Fuck. I failed. I failed miserably and she’s about to be scarred for the rest of her life.

“Move over.” Oakley nearly growls his first words in almost thirty minutes and before I know it, he kicks down the door.

A surprised, shirtless teenager nearly falls off the bed and stands near the en suite bathroom door, leaving Lottie sitting on the bed looking scared shitless. “Aunt Tess?!”

I run straight to her and embrace her so tight I think I might squish her. Streaks of mascara are running down her cheeks and my heart breaks for her. I don’t even know what happened, but it was enough to make her feel and look this way. I stroke her hair as we get up from the bed and get her belongings. “It’s okay, we’re leaving.”

Oakley stands in front of the shocked teen and I see his fists are clenched so tightly his knuckles are white. “Oakley.” No response. My eyes dart back and forth between him and the kid, who looks like he’s about to piss himself out of pure fear. Oakley has a good six inches on this kid and he definitely is much stronger than him. I leave Lottie’s side for only a moment and approach Oakley. I force my fingers to soften his clenched first and lace my fingers through his. This breaks him out of whatever dark trance he was in. As much as I want to punch the little asshole in front of him, I refrain. Oakley’s whole body loosens and I can finally take a steadying breath. “Oakley. Let’s go.”

He lifts his other hand and points a finger at the terrified boy glued to the wall. “You’re lucky. Do better.” He ushers us out into the hallway and down the stairs. “C’mon, let’s go home.”

21

Iwash my face, wishing I could wash away whatever happened tonight. I hear a faint knock at the bedroom door and I see Lottie, hair still wet from her long shower, looking like she’s six years old again, fuzzy slippers and all. She walks tentatively toward me, eyes still blotchy from crying so hard. She cried all the way home in the car while I sat in the back seat and held her. I kept looking up at the rearview mirror and I’ve never seen Oakley’s eyes look so angry. We locked eyes for a minute and he softened just a little.

“Aunt Tess, can you braid my hair?” Lottie asks now. A hairbrush appears from behind her back. She is that little girl again, playing pretend and imagining what dreams lay ahead of her.

Even though all I want to do is cry, I do my best to smile. “Of course. C’mon.” I sit cross-legged on the bed and throw a pillow down on the floor so she can sit comfortably. She hands me the brush and I gently run it through her hair. We sit silent for a minute, letting the brush untangle her dark locks. And then, I can’t just sit here and pretend nothing happened. I can’t shove whatever is uncomfortable under the rug just to keep the status quo. That’s something Tara would do, and I am definitely not my sister.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I just wanted to be wanted, you know?” Her voice and body start to shake again and even though I can’t see her face, I know she’s crying. “It seemed like he really liked me.”

A tear streams down my face and I wipe it away as fast as I can. “I do know.” Sniffles ensue again and I allow her space to cry. Words from my own childhood run through my mind: Stop crying. Grow up. Keep it all inside because no man is ever going to love you if you’re too emotional.

“Can I tell you a secret, though?” I ask Lottie. She faintly nods. I inhale slowly and swallow the large lump in my throat. “I wish I would’ve waited as long as possible before I had sex for the first time. I did it for the same reasons as you wanted to. To be seen. To be chosen by someone.”

“Aunt Tess, why can’t she choose me? For once in her life?” Lottie says under her breath. Sadness laces every word.

Tara.

My heart plummets as I finish the braid and secure it with a hair tie. “Hey, come sit down next to me.” I tap the mattress next to my hip. She sits and I pull her in for a side hug. I rest my chin on top of her head.

“Look, I don’t know why my sister does what she does. I never understood it and it makes me so angry sometimes. But, I’ve learned that I cannot control what other people do. I can only control myself and my reactions. I had to focus on what I could control. Our childhood was so unstable, and your mom reminds me a lot of your grandma. She seemed to always get her way and get herself out of a bind.” I shake my head, as if that will magically make those memories disappear.

“But,” I continue, “I do know that she is your mother and she loves you. Even if she doesn’t show it the way you think she should.” I squeeze her tighter, knowing she needs that reassurance. The reassurance that I never got when I was younger. “Your mom had you when she was so young. I’m not saying that’s an excuse at all, because it isn’t. She made a choice with your father. And you know what beautiful thing was a result of her decisions?”

My niece sniffles and wipes the tears off her cheeks. “What?”

“You, Lottie. You grounded her in a way that saved her. You are so special and it kills me that she doesn’t tell you out loud how special you really are. I am one lucky aunt to have such an incredible niece. You deserve more than just a one night stand as your first time. I hope that when you do decide to lose your virginity, you are sure you want to do it for the right reasons and ideally, with someone you love, Lottie. That’s all I want for you. I’m not mad at you at all, so if that thought is in that beautiful head of yours, get it out right now. Okay?”

Lottie hugs me tightly and this hug feels different. There is more weight to it this time.

I kiss her hair. “It’s getting late. You should get some rest. I love you, Lottie.”

Lottie scoots off my bed and heads to the door.“Love you too, Aunt Tess.”

Ten minutes later, after changing into my favorite matching pajamas, I emerge from the bedroom and head downstairs to get water. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a hunched-over silhouette on the couch and jump, causing water to splash all over the tile. I take a neatly folded hand towel from the counter and wipe the droplets of water off the floor. “My god, Oakley, you scared me. I thought you were asleep.” I walk closer to him.

His hands are covering his face and I hear a muffled, “Is she okay?”

I sit on the couch. One cushion separating me from the sweetest man I know. “Yes. She’s going to be just fine.” I take a sip of my water.