Page 51 of The Darkest Knight

Chapter Seventeen

Ashift of sorts caused Niall to lose his balance. He managed to stumble a couple of steps without falling. The spell. It must have been the right one. Now he couldn’t leave. Not only that, but he didn’t know what would happen next.

Could it be true? Was he free from the alter-world. No. It had been too easy.

Not only that, but his wounds revealed that Devina’s effects would linger and follow him. Niall slumped against the wall, he held up his hands and studied them as if seeing them for the first time.

He didn’t feel any different, neither tired nor rested, but what he could only describe as normal. There did seem to be a grounding of sorts. Other times when he’d come to this world, it was as if he’d not felt connected.

The sensation was totally different this time, which signaled that perhaps he was stuck here in this world. How was it possible? His curse required things that had not happened. He didn’t have a family there. His blood went cold. Was it possible Tamara was with child?

The emotions that battled were hard to grasp. Instead of feeling relief, dread lingered. How was it possible that after so many years he was to return to life in Scotland? There had been so many changes. To him it would be as unbelievable as when he’d first been trapped in the alter world. Everything had changed.

Fear overtook to the point that he almost collapsed to his knees. He would have no choice. If this was to be his new world, then he would have to adapt. Easier said than done.

Pushing the tall glass panes open, Niall went out to the balcony, closed his eyes and inhaled. His heart thundered against his breast as questions and emotions continued to swirl in his mind.

Scotland had always been home. The smell of it had not changed over the years. Earthy, lush, and green, the view from the balcony filled him with a mixture of peace and sorrow.

What was he to do now? Scanning the surrounding lands, he saw the cottage that they’d prepared for him. Was that to be his life now?

If Tamara was not with child, he would have to send her away. Tell her to return to her land, back to where she’d lived. The truth of how deeply he felt for her meant he would miss her terribly. The fact that he’d fallen in love with her made him even more resolved to push her away.

Theirs was a doomed relationship. He would not subject her to a marriage with a man that could not sleep for fear of being tortured and one day taken by another woman, whether demon or not. How could he face Tamara after lying with Devina?

At the sound of throat clearing, he turned to see that Tamara had returned. She gave him a quizzical look as if she’d expected that he’d be gone.

Then he felt it, the pull to the other realm. His spirits sank, he wasn’t truly free now, but something had definitely changed.

He was still there but seemed just as resolute to keep her at arm’s length. Tammie had enough of trying to guess what the man thought; she was at her wits end with the onslaught of emotions that came whenever she and Niall were together. No matter the depth of physical intimacy they shared, she didn’t know him any better than the day they’d met. Could not read his expressions or sense his emotions. His walls were up again, completely repaired from where she managed to chip away at them, even a little.

She studied his wide back as he leaned over the railing outside the French doors. He looked away from her toward the horizon.

He might as well be a million miles away, the distance between them so vast.

Tammie could only watch him while he struggled with his inner demons. Finally, she stepped out of the bedroom and stood next to him.

Without expression or emotion, his gaze flicked over her. He looked away ignoring her.

“I wish you would share your thoughts with me,” Tammie told him, studying his handsome profile. “You are always so careful to ensure a distance between yourself and others. Is there something I can do? Something I can say to get you to understand that I want to help you. I will listen to whatever it is, no matter how terrible, without judging or even trying to give advice. Sometimes all someone needs is to have a person listen.”

She placed her hand on his forearm. He flinched but didn’t move away. Nonetheless, his slight movement may as well have been a slap across her face.

Tamara removed her hand from his arm and dropped it to her side. Not sure what to do, part of her wanted to run, to leave, return to Georgia. But the other part, the glutton for punishment part, wanted to keep trying.

She was the only one who could free him. But why should she continue to help this man who refused to help himself?

Should she just give up?

He turned to face her, his eyes vacant. “I don’t know how to make you understand, Tamara, I can’t ever have a normal life. I won’t ever be free. To me, remaining in the enchantment means that I will eventually gain my freedom. Eventually when our time is up, I will die. It is only in death that I will ever truly be a free man.”

“I don’t understand. What is keeping you from being free and coming here?” Tammie asked him, desperation caused her voice to pitch. “You don’t have to stay with me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to remain with me.”

At his lack of response, she lost her temper. “Maybe you’re just not capable of loving.”

Niall’s darkened eyes locked with hers, his nostrils flared. His body shook as if he struggled to remain calm. “Are you with child?”

She shook her head. “No it is not possible.”