Page 87 of A Flawed Scotsman

When she gasped, Ruari fought to offer comfort. If his mother had taught him anything, it was that no matter how long and how often one tried to gain affection through actions, it rarely had the desired effect.

“We leave momentarily. I will wait for ye downstairs in the kitchens.” Ruari grabbed the bundle of clothes and looked at her. “Bring a change of clothes. I will get some food for us.”

Esme took a step toward him, but he turned and walked out of the room.

*

The ride to her family’s lands was at a good pace. They stopped often to allow the horses to rest. It was almost pleasant, as Malcolm’s wife, Elspeth, as well as Ceilidh and her husband, Ian, traveled in the group.

There was a large contingent of warriors, Esme guessed it to be almost a hundred. The Ross banner, currently staked into the ground, waved in the breeze.

Esme had joined the other women earlier to relieve themselves. So this time, when everyone sat on blankets that had been spread on the grass and ate, she remained at Ruari’s side.

He’d been silent most of the trip, guiding the horses that pulled their wagon with calm precision. In the back of the wagon were thick blankets, clothing and food.

Esme noted that Elspeth and Ceilidh rode in a carriage, since they traveled with children.

When Ruari lay back, hands beneath his head and stared up at the sky, Esme moved closer. “Ye remain angry with me. I understand. Can ye not see why I wished to go and ensure my brother was not in peril?”

Ruari closed his eyes. “This is not the time to discuss what happened.”

Unable to keep from it, Esme pushed his shoulder. “If not now, then when? Ye have kept from me for days, avoiding me. I made a mistake. Have ye never…”

He sat up abruptly and glanced around. “Get up.” He stood and stalked away from a nearby group to an area where no one could overhear them.

Esme couldn’t help but fear the worst. Was he about to tell her that he wished to end the marriage? Her chest constricted and her eyes watered, but she blinked it away and forced herself to remain strong.

Ruari stood straight, arms to his sides in a proud pose that made him seem larger than life. His gaze was flat when meeting hers. “If the Mackenzie would have taken yer appearance as a threat, he could have decided to declare war on either Clan Ross or Clan Fraser. If ye would have been injured or killed by the men who found ye, war would have followed. By honor, Clan Ross would have declared war. Yer little escapade could have cost countless lives.”

Esme remained silent, unsure how to reply.

Her husband continued. “I had promised to meet with important visitors that day since Malcolm had to go to the village for an urgent matter. I had to leave my duties to chase after ye, and all this only so ye could visit yer family.”

When she started to say something, he gave her a pointed look. “There was little ye could have done if Keithen was in danger. Ye are lucky the Mackenzie did not keep ye as a prisoner, a bargaining tool to take yer clan over.” His chest lifted and fell with each word. Although he kept the tone even, the undercurrent of restrained fury was terrifying.

It was the first time someone had been so furious with her and Esme wasn’t quite sure what to say or do. He thought her a self-absorbed simpleton. Perhaps she was.

“I apologized. I admit that I did not consider any of the things as ye explain them. There is little I can do now, other than be thankful the outcome was not worse.”

Ruari blew out an annoyed breath and attempted to return to where the others were, but Esme blocked him. “What about us?”

There was a flash of uncertainty in his eyes, but he quickly looked away and shrugged. “I do not know. It is as I explained it to ye this morning.”

“Do ye wish to end our marriage?” Esme touched his arm. “I do not.”

When his gaze jerked to hers, he studied her face and his brow fell. “Why do ye say that? Do ye really wish to remain? Even if it means turning yer back on Clan Fraser?”

“I would never do that, Ruari. Understand me…”

This time, he rounded her and stalked away.

It was enough, Esme lost control and raced after him. She yanked at his arm. “Do not walk away. I listened to ye, will ye not do the same?”

After he let out a breath, Ruari crossed his arms and looked down at her. “I know where yer loyalties lay. There is nothing else to be said.”

Esme opened her mouth, but no words came. Could she turn her back on her clan if the lairds decided against an alliance? She was now a Ross by marriage, and she was a proud Fraser by birth.

Arriving at her home was strange. Entering through the gates, Esme felt like a visitor looking from the cart to where her father, mother and brother stood at the entrance in welcome.