Page 45 of Westbound Awakening

The decision was made. She'd remain in Texas. To be far from Wesley was no longer an option. Her already broken heart would crumble to a thousand pieces if she could not see him. That alone would fortify her strength to remove John McClain from her heart.

Joshua had alluded to other children. Yes, she'd have a family and love them, but Wesley would remain imbedded in her heart, to not be displaced by any other child.

She touched her lips and thought about the hunger in John's kiss. From now on she'd avoid being alone with him. Until John hired the caregiver, she'd send him to visit his father with Alan and Elma.

It was only fair if she ever agreed to marry Joshua that she give him the respect due a husband. Mae lowered to her knees and bent her head in prayer. "God please take John out of my heart. Replace the deep love I have for him with love for you and my future husband. I want to be a good wife. Take this piercing pain away each time I think of John." A single tear slid down her cheek unabated.

A knock on the door followed by Miss Lady's voice brought her to the present. "Come join me for tea girl. We haven't talked about your plans for the house in Virginia."

"I'll be right there Miss Lady," Mae replied forcing a light tone.

26

Alan tried to hide a smile at Lucinda's attempts to keep as wide a distance between them as possible on the bench of the wagon. With Miss Lady and Elma on the back seat, she'd had little choice of where to sit. He slid his gaze to her and cocked an eyebrow. "You could ride in the very back, I'm sure the bouncing would be minimal at this pace."

Narrowed eyes met his. "No doubt you'd pick up the pace once I was back there."

"You have a bad opinion of me Miss Roberts." Alan replied his attention on the horses.

Lucinda sniffed. "I'm sure my opinion matters very little to you."

This time he faced her, not looking away until her eyes lifted to his. "It does matter. Very much."

As if to ensure the women in the back could not overhear them, she looked to them. Their conversation never stopped, and her shoulders lowered. "You enjoy shocking me Mr. Murphy, do you not?"

"Call me Alan." The only reply was a tightening of her lips.

Once they arrived at the chapel, Alan climbed down and began to help the ladies down. Arms entwined, Elma and Miss Lady made their way to the entrance. Last down from her perch, Lucinda seemed more than reluctant to go inside. With a grim expression, eyebrows drawn and lips pulled tight, she stood without moving.

"I will sit with you and ensure you're all right," Alan told her, not quite sure why the need to protect her came over him. "Come on Miss Roberts." He held out his arm and was shocked silent when she slipped her arm through.

* * *

Lucinda's heartbeat quickened. Why had she agreed to come today? The closer they got to the entrance of the church, the larger the urge to flee became and her breathing hitched. She and God had a huge misunderstanding, and there was still too much anger in her to step inside the church and pretend all was well. It would be a lie to allude to him she did not hold a grudge at his allowing her husband and son to die in front of her eyes.

Alan's arm was firm, solid, and she dug her fingers into his muscle. At the steps, she stopped walking, her eyes glued to the open doors. "I can't. This was a mistake." Lucinda took a step backward, never pulling her hand from Alan's arm. Truth be told, she feaed her legs would give out and she'd fall. "I'll wait over there by those trees," Lucinda told Alan, pushing away from him. The fact that his chest was firm under her hands did not escape her notice.

Blue eyes met hers before flicking over to where she motioned. "Why don't you just come with me? I have something to check on. We'll be back by the time service ends."

Not quite sure of anything other than she needed to get away, she allowed the man to guide her back to the wagon. He helped her onto the bench and ran toward the church doorway. After speaking to someone, he returned and climbed onto the bench next to her.

Alan Murphy was a handsome man. With sandy brown wavy hair touching his collar, broad shoulders and a slender waist, Lucinda wondered why he was not married. Unless he was, but she'd just assumed he wasn't.

The horses followed a long dirt road. In the distance she spied a small cabin and barn. A well-kept fence around the surrounding land did not pen any animals. As they neared, she realized the house was either abandoned or the owners were not there as there barn doors were flung open and no animals seemed to be inside.

"Why are we here?" Did he plan to ask her to provide a service? Lucinda stiffened. Of course she'd told him her past, so she shouldn't be surprised.

"This is my house," He replied removing his hat and scanning over the small farm. Looks like someone was in the barn not too long ago." He pulled the wagon to the side of the house, and looked up at her. "Let me ensure all is safe before I help you down."

Lucinda nodded and eyed the reins. She should leave, return to town and leave him here. She'd not have relations with him, not that she thought herself too good for it. It was the fact she’d come to expect more from Alan for some unexplainable reason. When she leaned to retrieve the leather straps, she saw Alan draw his gun and step into the barn. What if he was hurt?

At the thought, she scampered down from the wagon and went toward the barn. Not hearing a sound, she slowly peered from the doorway only to jump back when a plaid covered chest appeared. "Goodness Alan, you scared me to death."

A lopsided grin made her even angrier, and she stomped her foot. "It's not funny."

"It's a good thing you're beautiful when you're angry, cause you sure spend a lot of time that way." He told her walking towards the house. "Would you like to come inside?" He stretched out his hand.

It shocked her, but Lucinda trusted Alan right then, and she took his outstretched hand allowing the male to pull her towards the doorway of the house. His large framed filled the doorway, as he unlocked the door and stuck his head inside, then moving to the side he guided her inside before him. Such a gentleman, she could get used to this.