Page 33 of Westbound Awakening

A small farm, with stables.

Once settled, he'd see about breeding horses. Raising his purebreds was where his true passion lay. The experience here at Hawkins' ranch was a boon. He'd learned quite a bit about not only the proper way to run a large estate, but about horse breeding as well. At five years his senior, Joshua took him through the paces of all involved in running the ranch and all he knew about horses. It was evident the soft-spoken man had learned from the best.

John admired what Mae's father had acquired here and the hard work that must have gone into prospering such a great ranch.

The rain began to fall in earnest just an hour later, and John made his way from the stables to the house. His leg bothered him enough to let him know he'd spent too much time moving about that day. This evening he planned on a hot bath and perhaps reading in the front room. How easily I've become domesticated. He smiled at the thought and shook his head. Just months earlier, he much preferred spending the evening outdoors to being inside.

This could be his life, a future with Mae. But no, not only would he not burden Mae with his deformity and a child to boot, but also the thought of encroaching on her land as well sickened him.

Although Mae and he had remained civil toward each other since the night she'd spent in his bed, a curtain had fallen between them. He wasn't certain if he or she had done the honors of hanging it, but there it remained. Soft, yet still a barrier separating them nonetheless.

She deserved a whole man, and he would not stand in the way of her finding someone who would love her unconditionally. Regardless of how she'd made him feel on the night she'd come to his bedroom, as if his deformity did not matter, it did.

It had to.

Then there was the obstacle of her tarnished background. No matter how much he tried, it was impossible for him to ignore it. That someone would look upon her as before, a prostitute if she ever were to become his wife was something he could not reconcile. What would his reaction be? Was it fair for others to judge her? For him to?

She'd only had one other lover. How was it possible? She had no reason to lie. And he believed her, but for some reason it did not change the picture of her in his mind.

A scene repeated in his mind of the interior of the brothel. Tinny piano music playing, while the smoke and chatter of people filled the already overcrowded room. Presiding over the space like a royal, Mae stood out in spite of the colorful clothing of the other woman. With Kohl-lined eyes and feather in her hair, she reined over the establishment, a beautiful seductive madam.

And what about him? The desire of his heart was to have a wife, a family and a life something just like the current one here with Mae and Wesley at Hawkins ranch. His leg pulsed in reply.

Although Mae hadn't recoiled at the sight of his missing limb when she'd taken care of him, he'd felt its absence. No longer able to walk without a limp, he hated the lack of smoothness in his stride.

No. A life here was not for him. Most women expected more from their husband.

Not for you.

Having rounded the house and walked to the front, John neared the porch and peered through the window. He looked through the large picture window and stopped in his steps, taking a minute to soak in the scene before him.

He could not tear his eyes away from the interior. Mae sat in an overstuffed chair before the fireplace with Wesley in her lap holding a book, their heads so close together they touched. The little boy traced lines along the page as she read out loud to him. Before long, his hands fell away and Wesley burrowed into the woman who the little boy had come to see as a mother figure. He thrust his thumb in his mouth while Mae continued with the story.

John remained transfixed, remorse shoring into his chest at the knowledge he'd separate the two very soon. The guilt grew upon spotting Wesley wrapping his little fingers around Mae's wrist seeking the security of her to hold him after he fell asleep.

As if sensing his watch, Mae turned to the window then quickly away. But not before he caught sight of a tear trailing down her cheek.

It was best he find a way to leave without delay.

* * *

"So soon?" Mae twisted her hands in her apron. The flour from the bread she was making leaving a dusty print.

Elma nodded, her lips pressed together. "Yes, Senor McClain told me this morning before he left to go into town. He is going to look at a property to buy. And that he hoped to move in a couple of weeks."

"Well I suppose it's to be expected," Mae trailed off when Wesley rushed into the room and threw his arms around her legs.

"Go walk!" He announced looking up at her with anticipation. It had become their routine after she'd finished her morning chores to go outside and walk while teaching him words and spelling. "Not now Wes, in a few minutes." She leaned down and placed a kiss on top of his head.

He looked to Elma and she held out a cookie for him. "Go wait on the porch and eat it," she instructed him watching with fondness as he scampered out the door.

Mae blinked away the moisture in her eyes. She'd come to think of this as a permanent life. She'd written Miss Lady to inform her she'd decided to remain in Texas indefinitely, inviting her to come out to visit. It would do Miss Lady good to get away from the brothel and spend time here.

Now she wondered at her plans. What would her life be after John and Wesley left? Would she wish to remain in Texas? She caught sight of Wesley on the back porch nibbling at his cookie and she wondered if John would allow the boy to remain with her. After all, he could not possible complete all the duties involved in starting a horse farm and hiring men while caring for his young son at the same time.

The idea of approaching him to allow Wesley to remain there for an indefinite period made her feel much better and she finished by placing the dough into a bowl to rise then wiped her hands.

"I'm going for a walk with the handsome gentleman who stares at us through the window," she announced.