Page 86 of A Much Maligned Miss

He hesitated. “It blazed forth that night. You weren’t just pretty, you were…stunning.” His thumb stroked over her jaw. “Eyes bright, cheeks red, you looked…”

“Like a maenad?” she suggested when his words fell short.

“Exactly. That is how Bailey is painting you. He conjures it forth from artistic imagination, but I have seen it with my own eyes. Soon, everyone will see you as I did on that terrace. It makes me wildly jealous but also, surprisingly…”

“Surprisingly what?” she prompted when he fell silent.

“I want to show you off,” he said. “To display you to all and sundry so they catch their breath and gnash their teeth that you belong to another. To me.” His fingertip traced over her shoulder blades, around and around in a figure of eight.

“Exclusivity has never really been a thing for me before.” Even he could hear the baffled tone to his voice. “I’ve never craved it or required it. But with you… I don’t know. It’s just different.” Caroline lay silent, probably turning over his strange and conflicted thoughts.

“I should have seen it before that night,” he said abruptly. “If I had seen it sooner… Well, things would have fallen into place in a more orderly fashion.”

She lifted her head. “Seen what? My secret prettiness?”

“Yes. It’s so…delicate and elusive. I see it now in everything you do.”

She was quiet for a long moment. Then she asked, “What would have been different if you had?”

He shrugged. “How I conducted myself, of course.” She made a noise of skepticism against his shoulder. “You don’t believe me?”

“No. I remember you at that Christmas party.”

He felt a twinge of annoyance. “But I would not have been so dismissive if I had noticed it then.”

“I don’t think delicate charm stands out much in a glittering ballroom,” she said frankly. “Not when it’s stood next to the likes of bold Blanche. Even Edgar stood up with her twice.”

“Did I dance with her that night?” He genuinely could not recall.

“Yes, but don’t feel badly about it,” she said, patting his chest. “I have always had a tendency to fade into the background in such settings.”

He frowned. “Nonsense,” he said in clipped tones. “Young Vance noticed you, did he not?”

“Yes, but he is a remarkable child.”

Gervaise experienced a wave of terrible and overwhelming jealousy so great that he could not speak for a moment. “You love him,” he heard himself say accusingly.

“I—well, yes,” she said with some surprise. “I suppose I do.”

He was quiet. He was not jealous of his ten-year-old godson. That would be fucking ridiculous! I want you to love me, he thought, the words so clear in his mind that for one horrifying moment he actually thought he had voiced them aloud. Instead, he merely persisted, “It would have been different.”

“You would have pursued me? Flirted with me?” she asked doubtfully.

“Why not?”

“I just can’t imagine it, that’s all.”

“Then don’t. Allow me to demonstrate.”

“How?”

“We’ll imagine we are back at the Vance Christmas party. Right now.”

She lifted her head. “Are we getting out of bed for this?” She did not sound terribly enthusiastic at the prospect, he noticed.

“No, it’s too cold. We’ll just pretend we are vertical.”

Caroline gave another spurt of laughter. “What are we doing?” she asked curiously. “At the ball, I mean.”