Page 76 of An Inconvenient Vow

Jeffree felt the strangest impulse to reach across and touch her. Absurd. He was not sure what strange mood had inhabited him all morn, but he could not seem to keep either his eyes or his thoughts from dwelling on her.

When she fell silent, he wanted to ask her what she was thinking about. The problem was, then she would tell him, and it was doubtful her pretty head was full of thoughts of him. His mood would doubtless take an inevitable turn for the worse.

She should be thinking of him, damn it. It was only fair.

A terrible presentiment fell over him as they made their way back out again to their horses, that he would never be rid of these strange feelings that churned through his stomach and fluttered in his chest whenever it came to his wife. That he would be like this forever. Always longing for her, his thirst never quenched.

He had never really paid heed to talk about such things in the past, but he had heard men talk about conquering such hankerings. His old master, Sir Hereward, had kept many mistresses in the four years Jeffree had been in his service. Women, my boy, he had frequently opined, are like thorns that embed themselves in your flesh. There’s only one way you can work them back out again. Then he had roared with laughter at his own jest and disappeared for an afternoon or an evening, or sometimes even a full day, to spend in a woman’s embrace.

Jeffree did not think that would work in this instance. Joining his body with Sabina’s seemed to have made the pull he felt toward her stronger, rather than purging it from his body. The thought of locking her in a room with him for a few hours and attempting to cure himself by fully immersing himself in her charms, made a light sweat break out on his brow which he did not think could be wholly accounted for by the midday sun.

He had a horrible suspicion he would end up completely bewitched with her if he did not ration himself severely. Besides, he reflected uneasily mopping his brow, it was not just the lures of her admittedly beautiful body he felt. He wanted other things from her almost as badly. This odd dissatisfying yearning was not just to get her back underneath him again.

He felt the strange conviction that, if she would only turn her eyes upon him favorably, he could bask content in them all day. That was what would satisfy him, he realized in astonishment, and that alone. Mayhap that was what really broke him out in a cold sweat for he was almost certain his wife did not feel the same way about him.

The thought made him feel slightly sick at heart. Heartsick. The word formed in his mind and brought him up short. Where had that come from? What the fuck was wrong with him? Half the time the little wretch was barely polite to him! She certainly did not strive to keep him happy. He stared at her back in frustrated bafflement as they headed on horseback for the foothills.

He had surely met many more distinguished ladies than Sabina Hendry in his time and the fact was not one of them had ever made much of an impression on him. Take Meliora for instance. He had faced her with perfect indifference the previous day. Now that he knew what genuine attraction felt like, he knew that he had felt naught for his former betrothed, not even a passing fancy. Duty was what had prompted their former association and duty alone.

The only thing that caused even a flicker of hopefulness in his breast this day was the fact Sabina had not wanted him to return to the convent without her. Even a show of possessiveness would hearten him at this juncture, so far gone was he. Then, as the rays of the sun flashed out from behind Midsummer Mount, he was struck with fresh inspiration. He needed to make his wife fall in love with him. Then she would hang on his every word and seek him out as he desired.

How hard could it be to sway a woman’s feelings in your favor? Jeffree frowned over this a moment, having never considered such a thing before. Women fell in love all the time, did they not? He glanced Sabina’s way again. Any affection I thought I bore for Miles died a thousand deaths over the short span of our marriage. That was what she had said previously about her first husband.

The trouble was, she had not had any affection in her bosom when she had been forced to wed Jeffree. How was he supposed to inspire her with any now? He shifted in his saddle uneasily. Then it came to him. Undoubtedly, he appeared at his best in his own arena of knightly pursuits. When she saw him at his best and most laudable, then her flinty heart would soften.

In two weeks’ time, it was the Royal Summer Tournament. He would take her to Caer Lyoness to watch him compete against the best Karadok had to offer. Then Sabina would know that Sir Jeffree de Crecy was indeed worthy of her love.

They passed from the lower slopes, following the winding pathways until they were steadily ascending the upper climbs of the first ridge. The homeward journey meant taking a different route, as they were approaching Ganfordshire in a different direction after their detour to Fulford. This way was steeper and, to Jeffree’s eye, rather more perilous.

“Halt!” he called loudly and reined in Radax, coming to a standstill. He glanced to where Sabina and Osborn were looking at him enquiringly. “You,” he said pointing to Sabina, “dismount. Osborn, tie the horses together.” He did not look for their reactions, but instead, swung down himself, making for Blitha.

“Why am I dismounting?” Sabina asked when he reached her side. She had already slid down to the ground and had a faint pucker between her brows.

“I want you up before me,” he answered shortly, taking her arm and leading her back to his own horse. Sabina looked puzzled but voiced no argument which he felt profoundly grateful for. He was not so sure it would look much steeper to her untutored eye, though for his part, he felt sure it was.

He passed her a waterskin and watched as she drank from it before boosting her up onto Radax’s back, swinging himself up behind her. It was wrong to feel a thrill from their proximity, the press of her back against his front, but it suddenly felt intimate with her sat between his thighs, and his heartbeat picked up, nonetheless.

On the previous occasion she had been on his horse before him, he did not think it had made his pulse race. Or at least, not this much. He found himself squeezing the hand that rested at her waist and wanting to say something. He cleared his throat. “Does this not remind you of the time we journeyed from your father’s house to Morecotte?” he asked, lowering his voice so Osborn should not hear their private speech.

Once again, he wished her headdress was not so all-encompassing. He should like to see the turn of her cheek from here, a glimpse of ear. Anything really, other than flapping white linen.

Sabina was silent a moment. “How so?” she asked blankly.

“You were sat up before me on that occasion too,” he pointed out.

“Oh. Then yes.”

Her answer seemed distinctly lacking to Jeffree. He frowned. “You are the first woman I have had up on Radax’s back,” he pointed out. Clearly, she was not fully aware of the honor he did her.

“Oh really?”

She sounded polite, nothing more, and Jeffree felt irritated. Clearly, there was more to this wooing business than he had ever realized. It was foolish to be courting one’s wife at this late point. He wanted to tell her so but bit his tongue. “Why are you so quiet?” he asked instead.

“Am I? I suppose I just thought you would prefer that. You seemed a little… testy at midday.”

Testy? “Did I?”

“I thought perhaps a little quiet might be your preference when traveling.”