Page 259 of Red Marked
“Of course.” My mom beams.
We go outside.
We walk down the driveway and turn left toward the park at the end of the road.
I’m trying not to think about why he came. My mind is racing.
Has he changed his mind?
Surely not. Don’t do this to yourself.
“So I—”
“I wanted to—”
We stop walking and both laugh. My palms are damp. I wipe them on my shorts and realize how nervous I am.
“You go first,” he says.
“I was going to ask if you’re on your three-day leave. That’s all.” I keep my eyes ahead. “I thought you’d go home to Draig. You’re the last person I expected to see.”
“I was going to go home, but I changed my mind.” He turns to face me. “I’ve been miserable, Star.” He says it flat out. “Atlas came into my office yesterday to hold an intervention because apparently I’ve been impossible to work with.”
“An intervention?” I press my lips together. It doesn’t help; I smile anyway because I’m happy. I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it.
“It isn’t funny. He called me sad and pathetic.”
I laugh. I can’t stop it. I hold up a hand. “I’m so sorry.” I shake my head and then pull myself together by clearing my throat. “I can’t imagine you sad and pathetic. It doesn’t compute.”
He takes my hand. “I am miserable. I’ve been—”
His phone rings.
“Ignore it. Shit!” He digs it out of his pocket, silences it, and shoves it back. “Where was I?”
“You said something about being miserable.”
“Seriously fucking miserable. Difficult to be around. Snapping at everyone.” He lets go of my hand and squeezes his neck. “I was trying to protect myself. I swear I didn’t see it. I thought if I could box up whatever I felt for you and not feel it, that I couldn’t be hurt. I have a whole lot of issues, Star. I’m a mess.” He huffs out a breath. “I’m not good enough for you. I swear I’m not. Not even close.”
“Don’t say that about yourself. You’re one of the most together people I know. And you are good enough.”
“In some ways, I’m together.” He shakes his head. “In others, not so much. I pushed you away to keep from getting hurt. It’s as simple as that. It didn’t work, though.”
“Didn’t it?” I lift my brows.
“Absolutely not.” He takes both my hands this time. “I’m already in love with you. It’s too late. You left, and I’ve been the worst version of myself ever since. Atlas is right. I tried to ignore how I felt and push it all away, and it didn’t work. It took three people to get me to see it. I really am an idiot.”
“Three people?”
His phone rings again.
He silences it without looking at the screen. “Yes. Three.”
“That might be important.”
“Nothing is more important than you. Than us having this conversation.”
I can’t believe this is happening.
