Page 79 of Racing Hearts

Instantly, I’m second-guessing this decision. “Sorry. I overheard your conversation and I thought…Well, I wondered if you would be up to talk to me about it?”

Rohan doesn’t answer. Shit, maybe this was a mistake. The stakes of this conversation are too big for me. Telling Peter about one of my own experiences is one thing. Navigating a path here that both respects Rohan’s autonomy, but also helps penetrate the root of his decision…I don’t know if I’m equipped to do that.

“It’s your choice,” Adrian says to his athlete. “But I do think you should hear Kath out. She’s been in your shoes before—leveled up more times than I can count. She knows what it feels like to be kicked down and get back up. She’s someone worth listening to.”

Rohan frowns, then folds his arms and lifts a shoulder. “Fine.”

With that, Adrian gives me an encouraging smile. I’m still terrified, but I already know what I should do. I made the decision to step out of those shadows. Looking at his face—his green eyes fixated on mine, full of confidence, never once wavering—I know I have to at least try.

“Did Adrian tell you I was the one who recommended you for Peter’s spot?”

Rohan’s eyes ping between us without dropping an ounce of skepticism. “Why?” When I don’t immediately answer he adds, “Because I know it isn’t my rhythm. And there are at least three other guys who would beat me in a seat race, so definitely it isn’t my speed.”

He’s still staring daggers at me, but something about this response crystallizes my understanding of the conversation. At the end of the day, this is about rowing. Maybe I don’t know how to navigate the emotions of a seventeen-year-old boy, but I sure as shit know how to talk about crew.

“Why do you row?” I ask.

Rohan frowns, clearly caught off guard by the question.

“I can go first,” I say. “I row because it gives my life stillness and order. My friend Sofi—she’s the Olympian I’ve told you about—she loves to be part of a team. Your coach…he doesn’t race anymore, but he likes helping other people achieve their full potential. He likes to figure out what makes his athletes tick and use that to help them succeed.”

Adrian raises a single, surprised eyebrow in my direction. It’s enough to tell me I nailed it, even though I’m making some inferences. But I was pretty sure I’d be right about this. It’s one of the many things I like about him.

Rohan is now staring at his hands.

His coach nudges him softly with an elbow. “How about you?”

“It’s fun,” he says in a voice that’s almost comically glum.

“Really?” I ask. “Why?”

He shrugs, almost like he isn’t going to answer. “My friends all do it.”

“And?”

“And it’s fun to goof around with them and stuff, especially early in the morning. My jokes are funnier when people are tired.” An involuntary smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “And I like making TikToks. I never really—I never actually meant to be any good.”

“So, what’s changed? It doesn’t sound like you stopped finding it fun.”

Rohan frowns. “It would be different.”

“You mean…it would be different if you move up boats?”

He freezes, shoulders rising like he’s just realized he’s trapped and is calculating escape routes. Slowly, he lifts his eyes to Adrian, searching his coach for a reaction. Yet the only betrayal of his feelings is one of his fingers, which taps gently behind his back.

“Is that what it is?” he asks gently.

Rohan, appeased by this, nods, sinking into the motion with the relief of truth. “If I move to the faster boat, I’ll have to take it more seriously. The jokes, the videos. I’ll end up distracting the team. Or letting them down. My parents have been asking lately whether I’m sure I want to keep going with all this, especially with senior year and everything. I keep telling them yes, but…I don’t know. Maybe it’s better to quit than face all that.”

“But you don’t have to move up,” Adrian says, and though his voice is even, I can nearly hear the anxiety in its depths. “You can stay in your boat and keep making the videos.”

“If I did I—” Rohan pauses, and Adrian encourages him onward with a gentle nod. “I would feel like I’m letting you down.”

“Saying no wouldn’t let me down,” Adrian says. “It’s your choice.”

“Plus,” I add, “I don’t think you should give up TikTok.”

Rohan squints at me.