Page 60 of All the Wandering Light

“I didn’t know—”

“You didn’t know. Because you didn’t think. Just like you didn’t think before you trusted River. And we’ve seen how that turned out.”

I flushed. For a moment, I couldn’t speak. The pain in my chest seemed to twist, several knives instead of one, as River’s face rose before me again. Did the pain mean that I still loved him, after everything? I didn’t know. But I knew I couldn’t bear to think of the possibility—the likelihood—of his death.

“That isn’t fair, Lusha,” Tem said quietly.

“I’m not really concerned with fairness at the moment.” She began pacing again. “We could have used the star to save the Empire—and Azmiri.”

“Are you saying I don’t care about Azmiri?” My shock was slowly giving way to fury. “How can you—what gives you the right—”

“Because it’s my responsibility.” Lusha’s voice was like a lash. “It always has been. You wouldn’t understand that, because you’ve never taken your responsibilities seriously. Who else is going to protect the village, if not me? Father has no way of dealing with the witches now that their powers are unbound. I went to Raksha to save Azmiri. Now I’m here in some spiritsforsaken forest, hundreds of miles from the one thing that could have helped us. The village is defenseless, and I can’t protect it. I can’t protect it.” She came to a stumbling halt. Her face was flushed, and she was breathing heavily. With her chuba askew and the dirt on her face, she suddenly looked very young.

My own anger had crumbled. For a long moment, we stood in silence, the twittering of the birds the only sound.

“No one expects you to save Azmiri alone,” I said finally, but I heard the emptiness in my own words. Everyone in Azmiri looked up to Lusha, in the same way they looked up to Father. Though only nineteen, she was seen as more than an elder-in-waiting; she had already taken on many of the elder’s duties. And the first and most important duty of any elder was protecting the village.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice trembling. “You’re right, Lusha—I don’t always think. I know I’ve made a mess of things.”

Lusha let out a quiet laugh. She leaned against a tree, looking even more exhausted than before. “We both have, haven’t we?”

I shook my head. “No. You’ve been right from the beginning. You tried to stop River.”

“I tried.” Lusha gave me a rueful look. “But I couldn’t have followed River to that peak. Even if my ankle wasn’t broken. You’re the only one who could have done that, Kamzin.”

I shook my head. “But it was for nothing. If I hadn’t trusted him—”

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Lusha’s voice was quiet. “I should have told you what I read in the stars. I just—” She shook her head slightly, as if marveling at her own words. “I didn’t really think you’d follow me.”

I didn’t know what to say. The silence stretched out. Lusha seemed to have returned to herself, the color leaving her cheeks and her expression calming. Her gaze, as she regarded me, was not exactly warm, but it no longer held the chill of the last few days. I thought of Father, and Azmiri, and felt a surge of despair. How were we going to protect the village now?

Tem grasped my arm—hard. “Kamzin.”

Ragtooth trotted out of the bushes. He moved with an oddly lumbering gait, as if off balance. He was carrying something in his mouth.

The star.

Lusha let out a strangled sound. The fox dropped the star into my hand without protest—covered in drool, naturally—but he did protest when I gathered him tightly into my arms. He nipped my ear, and I let him leap to the ground.

“Where did he come from?” Tem said. He eyed Ragtooth with an oddly suspicious expression.

“Azar-at must have brought him with us,” I said. “Thankfully.” The thought of Ragtooth being stranded in that bleak place made me ill.

Tem’s brow was furrowed. “Kamzin . . . Ragtooth wasn’t with us on the mountain.”

“What are you talking about? Of course he was.”

“No, he wasn’t. The last time I saw him was on the glacier.”

“He was obviously following us.”

Tem shook his head slightly. “Did you hear what River said? He thought Ragtooth was following him. Why would he think that?”

I didn’t want to talk about anything River had said—the thought of him was like a knife twisting inside me. “River also thought the yak was scheming against him,” I said roughly. “Here—it still looks like a rock to me.” I handed Lusha the star, drool and all. I felt lighter immediately. That fragment of rock was responsible for what had happened to River. I didn’t want anything to do with it.

Without replying, Lusha marched into the forest. She plucked a branch out of the deadfall.

“Tem, can you light this?” she asked.