Page 46 of Vengefully Matched

“Old enough to say etcetera, that’s for sure,” said Prissy, elbowing him.

“She’s got you there.” Agatha crossed her arms, staring at the little sign on the door, which was still turned to READING IN PROGRESS. She checked her watch. “She’s running over.”

“Here. See. She could set up a post for witches and vampires and the like who want an actual psychic reading, and then it would be completely fine if things got kinky. In fact, she could probably charge extra for that. Make a solid living.”

Priscilla wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or furious. How had a slutty, thousand-year-old devil managed to solve a problem while spending so much of his time fiddling in human affairs and people’s pants?

Speaking of pants, he reached into his, which were ungodly in their tightness, because of course they were, and rummaged around. It was not lost on her that Agatha watched his long fingers in there, searching, her cheeks just the slightest shade of pink.

“Like what you see, precious?”

Agatha’s nostrils flared. “It’s a normal human reaction to a beautiful creature, and one I’m certain you must be used to.”

Something twisted in Priscilla, similar to the knifelike sensation of watching Kevin with Agatha. She tamped it down. Agatha was her fake girlfriend. It wouldn’t do to get really jealous. Again. Besides, Lex claimed to be reformed, but she had seen what his jealousy had wrought upon her brother with that whole temporarily-unable-to-touch-his-beloved-without-dying incident.

Still, she was a little relieved when Agatha turned to her and winked, giving her a shockingly lascivious smile. “Don’t worry. He’s hot, but he’s not quite my type.”

“What exactly is your type?” Lex pulled a phone out of his pants, which should have been impossible given their taut-leather appearance, but who was she to question sartorially clever magic?

“I like sulky, brooding grumps, too arrogant for their own good.”

She ran a hand along Priscilla’s uninjured arm, and Prissy decidedly ignored the hairs that stood up in the wake of her fingers.

“Oh, that’s splendid,” said Lex, looking between them gleefully. “That’s so on brand for a Hart, wouldn’t you know?”

Ignoring him, she changed the subject. “The Dreaddit idea isn’t bad.”

He brandished the phone with a flourish, typing in a ridiculously long passcode that she was fairly sure ended in 69, which tracked.

“See?” He gestured to the little red creature, fanged, antennaed, and slightly skull-shaped, that sat on his screen next to a bevy of other apps, human and magical alike.

“Do you have Tinder and Splinter?” Agatha was looking curiously over his shoulder at what did indeed appear to be both the mundane and the magical version of the dating app.

“Never you mind that, pets. Stay focused.” He clicked on the app, and when it opened, scrolled around. “I just saw something that inspired this, let me see if I can find it.” Something inside Lex’s other pocket beeped, and he handed her the phone, rummaging around, forearm deep this time.

Priscilla’s eye caught on a post.

Dreaddit.com/d/hopelesslyromantic

u/LexManningDay

[AITA] I [M, 3,521] keep falling for the subjects of my bargains, but they never fall for me. First there was a musician’s daughter who I was sure would thank me for helping her father finally acknowledge her after years of not, but then she wasn’t into devilry even after I helped make sure she had a successful career. I even helped her land a star role in an amazingly accurate portrayal of elven culture, but no, still no love. Then there was a death-kissed human and an angsty, sullen witch and I was sure we would make the most glorious throuple, but alas! It was not to be. Am I coming on too strong with my latest object of affection [F, 32] just because she happens to be human, jaded, and 3,489 years younger than me? I’ve made a bargain with her, but I’ll admit it, I am tampering with it to try to get her to like me. I can’t help it—she’s splendid, and I’ve been so unlucky in love for eons. Quite literally.

(25 upvotes, 7 downvotes, 69 comments)

Priscilla pointed to it while Lex rummaged, and watched as Agatha read it, her eyebrows shooting up, shaking in silent laughter.

Finally, Lex procured what looked like an oversized car key fob, pinched a button twice, and put the thing back in his pocket, miraculously again, without another word.

Priscilla wondered if it would be possible for her to obtain a pair of Mary Poppins leather pants, too, with seemingly boundless pockets and a snug, perfect fit.

Lex reached for his phone, jumping a little when he saw the screen.

“Not that! That’s nothing.” She was shocked to see his ears pink; she wasn’t aware of ever hearing about a devil blushing. He scrolled furiously and pulled up another post. “This is what I was looking for.”

Dreaddit.com/d/deaddit

[LivingQ] In search of a medium