Page 106 of Counting Down To You

“What?” Steph asks, looking between us, while Graham, James, and my mum all look over too. “What are we missing?”

“It’s just…It’s complicated. So, Steph,” I say, determinedly changing the subject, “are you a graphic designer too?”

We pass the rest of the day cooking and eating way too much food, with a brave attempt at a Christmas Day walk, despite the rain that is persistently lashing at the steamed-up windows. Steph insists on a round of charades and, potentially because she is a new addition, no one argues, meaning that I have to attempt to act out Inception to Leo, who guesses it with a whole three seconds to spare, though I’ve no idea how.

It’s after the sun has set and we are all sitting in front of the fire in the living room, Graham falling asleep with a glass of port balanced precariously on his armrest, when I excuse myself. I can feel Leo’s gaze on my back, but I don’t explain, leaving him to his conversation with James as I head upstairs. Because now, in the quiet, it’s getting harder to ignore the thing that I’ve pushed to the back of my mind all day. Christmas is nearly over. Which means that not only is my time with Leo nearly up, but the time left to open the last calendar challenge is ticking down too. I have to do it. Because if I don’t I’m not sure I ever will.

I sit on the edge of my bed and pull the calendar toward me. Then, finally, I open the last small square. I don’t look at it, clutching it in my hand as I head back downstairs, keeping my footsteps light as I move through the kitchen, then out the back door. I need the cool air, the dark sky, the few stars that are showing now the rain has passed. I need to be able to breathe.

So it’s there, with darkness cocooning me, the light from the kitchen guarding my back, that I read the last challenge Robyn will ever set me.

Look up a man named Leo Brooks. I have a feeling you might like him. And if you find him, make sure you tell him thanks for the company when no one else was around.

I’m crying before I’ve even finished reading. Crying and then laughing as I press the note to my heart. I wonder what passed between them in that hospital. Enough, it seems, for Robyn to send me to Châtel. For Leo to remember Robyn, to want to honor her. Enough for Robyn to know, somehow, that I would like him.

Tell him thanks for the company when no one else was around.

Hot tears burn twin paths down my cheeks. But I’m glad that they had each other, in some small way. Because as much as I tried to be there for all the hours I could, there were times when Robyn was alone in that hospital. Alone, and scared. And, maybe, meeting Leo, meeting someone else going through the same thing, made her just a little less so. No matter how small, that’s something to be grateful for, isn’t it?

God, Robyn, I whisper in my mind, I miss you.

And there it is, Robyn’s voice, as clear as always. Showing me I don’t need the audiobooks to remember it.

Good. It would be sad if no one ever missed me. But missing me doesn’t mean you can’t live your own life too, Al.

I hear the back door opening behind me and turn to see Leo there.

“Ali?”

I let out a cross between a sob and a laugh.

“Shit,” he says, moving toward me, “is everything—?”

I shake my head. “No. I mean yes. I mean no, I’m not crying. Well, I am”—I dash a tear away—“but it’s okay.” I take a deep breath of cool night air. “I’m okay. Look.” I push the piece of paper into his hand.

He opens it, reads. And for a moment his expression, lit by the dim glow of the kitchen, is carefully blank. “This is from Robyn?” His voice is quiet, barely a murmur.

“Yes.” In contrast, my voice is loud, sure. I laugh-sob again. Talk about bloody fate. It’s like Robyn knew. Like the calendar was all designed to get me to this point, even if she couldn’t have possibly guessed the extent of it.

“I…” He blows out a breath that mists in the space between them. “God, I don’t even know what to say.”

“That’s okay. I do.” I step toward him, take one of his hands in mine. “Leo?” He meets my gaze, and my heart leaps with fear and excitement and something I can’t name. “I love you.”

The corner of his mouth lifts. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I realize how much easier it feels to breathe, now I’ve said it. I can imagine Robyn’s triumphant whoop in the background, like she’s really here, like she engineered this all and is thrilled about it.

“So when you said pretty sure last night…?”

He drops my hand so that he can take my waist, pulling me to him. “Very sure. Really fucking sure. I just didn’t want to freak you out. I love you, Ali.”

“Okay, then. Good.”

We laugh on the same breath, and then he kisses me, out here under the stars. When we break away, his arms stay round me, holding me in place. I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heart beating there. His heart, even if I haven’t always wanted to believe that. And now he has my heart too.

“We should go back inside,” he says, running a hand down my back. “Your mum sent me to come and find you.”

“Okay,” I agree. “But no more charades.” I smile, bright through my drying tears. “I have a flight to book.”