Page 66 of A Winter Wish

“Like he left my mum and me?” She said the words without really thinking, and Rachel gave her a funny look.

“Yeah, or more like, she was worried he’d go back to you.”

Lexie frowned, but she wasn’t sure how to contradict that without stating the obvious—that if he’d wanted to come back he could have. And she didn’t want to push that, didn’t want to make it into a competition between her and Rachel.

“Anyway,” Rachel continued. “That’s why Dad left.”

Lexie took a moment to catch up, then felt her stomach drop. Lana—Rachel was talking about Lana. “Because—”

“No,” Rachel said quickly, clearly noting Lexie’s twisted expression. “God, no. I mean that he left because my mum couldn’t—or wouldn’t—accept the fact that I was in a relationship with a woman. And he was trying to support me. I think he thought—we both thought—she’d come around eventually. But that was several years ago now and, well. He didn’t leave us, not really. And it never felt like he left me, because he was doing it for me—to stand up for me, if that makes sense.”

Lexie nodded and pulled her hand back from Rachel’s. She didn’t know what to say really, or how to process it. This image of her dad, so determined to stand up for his daughter, didn’t fit with the image of him she’d carried around with her for years.

Usually, she wouldn’t admit to feeling like this. But after what Rachel had admitted to her, she felt like she owed her something in return. So she settled for honesty. “I’m glad he was there for you—honestly, I am. But I…I don’t know what to do with it, this version of him you knew.” She felt her stomach squirm uncomfortably at saying the words and she couldn’t quite meet Rachel’s eye. But she carried on anyway. “I don’t know how to feel about the fact that he was there for you, when he could never be there for me.”

“I know,” Rachel said quietly. “I would be the same if I were you. I can’t really say anything to make up for it.”

Lexie finally looked at her. “Not yours to make up for.”

“No. But…” Rachel heaved in a breath. “Lexie, if you let me, I’ll try to be there for you, if I can.”

To her alarm, Lexie felt her eyes sting at the total sincerity in Rachel’s voice. She nodded, refusing to give in to the lump in her throat, and took a gulp of cider.

Then she bit her lip. “Can I ask you something random?”

Rachel raised her eyebrows. “Sure.”

“Have you ever been to Iceland?”

“No. It looks cool, though. I really want to go and sit in one of those hot water things while it’s all icy outside. Why?”

“No reason.” She didn’t think she could find the right words to explain. “And—one more random thing?”

“Go for it.”

“Did you ever have a Christmas tradition? Like a family thing or whatever?”

“You mean like Christmas caroling or something?”

“More like something only you and your parents did. Or you and…Dad.” Because yes, it felt odd to call him Dad—but just as odd to call him Richard.

“I mean, we did presents and stockings and all that. And we had a Christmas meal all together…” She looked at Lexie, clearly trying to find the right answer.

“So you haven’t ever heard of a wish jar?”

“No.” Rachel shook her head apologetically. “Sorry. What’s that?”

Lexie let out a long exhale, and felt something in her loosen, just a little. “It’s…It’s just something we did at the office Christmas party a couple of weeks ago.” Maybe she’d find a way to explain it to Rachel one day, but not today. She was feeling a rush of relief, at the fact that it was a tradition her dad hadn’t just gone on to start again with his new daughter—and she knew how selfish it would be to admit that out loud.

“Right,” said Rachel. “Your office does know it was July, right?”

Lexie laughed. “So I told them. It was fun, though. My mum and my friend Fran came along and we all drank mulled wine in Theo’s flat and it was just, I don’t know, nice and relaxed.”

And it was so different, being here in Bath, hanging out with people at the company, from where she’d thought she would be—and how she’d thought she’d feel—back when she got the news in December.

Then a thought occurred to her and she grimaced a little. “I should have invited you.” She should have thought of Rachel—maybe she’d have liked to be there.

“Don’t be silly,” Rachel said with a wave of her hand. “How are you finding it anyway, working with Theo?”