Page 39 of Always, in December

Max’s stomach jolted, and if he could have grimaced without it being more than a little rude, he would have. He’d thought they’d be able to put off this moment or, best case, that maybe it wouldn’t come at all. He cleared his throat. ‘Right.’

‘I know this year has been tough for you, but I want to be in your life, Max.’ Direct and to the point, as always.

He took a sip of his drink – soda water – just for something to do. ‘You are in my life,’ he said, trying for easy and casual.

She kept her eyes on his face. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘Right,’ he said again. Because he did. He tapped his fingers against his can. ‘I thought you said we were different people now, that we’d be better off firmly as friends?’ He cocked one eyebrow, kept his tone light. ‘We were just too comfortable and that’s why we kept coming back for more. I’m pretty sure that’s what you said.’ He smiled to let her know he wasn’t saying it resentfully.

She wrinkled her nose. ‘I didn’t say it quite like that.’

But she had said a version of it and he’d hated it at the time, had got all bent out of shape and stormed out of the room. He’d assumed that it was all coming from her, that she was just trying to get rid him. He’d shouted at her that they’d been through this all before, that she should just make up her damn mind one way or another, and told her he was fed up with being the one she came crying to when something went wrong in her life. Because he’d been offended that she was the one ending it, he hadn’t even bothered to consider the fact that she was right. But then, over the last year, he’d realised that he’d been doing the same – he’d allowed her to be the one he always went running to, without even considering whether it was the right thing for either of them. And so he’d conceded, after learning not to do that, that she’d had a point, that they were probably better off as friends, because being together meant that they were always bursting at the seams a little – both of them growing as people yet unable to, because they kept pulling each other back to one another.

‘This past year,’ Erin continued, when it was clear he wasn’t going to offer up his thoughts out loud, ‘it’s made me realise. It’s made me think that maybe . . . Maybe comfortable is good.’ She took a deep breath, her chest moving with the action. ‘I want to be there for you, Max.’ He did actually grimace this time, but she shook her head firmly. ‘I want . . . Well. I just think that maybe we should give it another go.’ And with that, she bit into a strawberry, though she kept looking at him, even when he wouldn’t meet her gaze. He liked her directness – it meant you always knew where you stood – but it also made her particularly formidable at times, because she knew just how to go after things she wanted.

She offered the strawberries to him, and he took one. ‘Surprised Mum didn’t put in some champagne too,’ he muttered, and to his relief, she grinned. She’d probably considered it, Max thought, and then remembered that he wasn’t drinking at the moment.

He popped the whole strawberry in his mouth and she leaned back, tilting her face up to the sky and arching her back. ‘I think you should move in with me, when you get back to the UK.’ He choked a bit on the strawberry, but she only closed her eyes, apparently enjoying the feel of the sun filtering through leaves to warm her face. ‘In Edinburgh,’ she clarified, as if that were the main issue with her proposal. ‘I know you don’t have anywhere to stay.’

‘Is that right?’ Max growled, vowing to have a word with his mother when they were alone.

Erin opened her eyes, looked at him, and nodded. ‘And the thing is . . .’ She glanced over his shoulder and bit her lip. He wondered briefly if she’d seen Chloe. ‘I don’t mind if that’s just as friends.’ She huffed out a breath, looked back at him. He raised his eyebrows, and she elaborated. ‘I’d rather it wasn’t, which I’m sure you’ve gathered. But the offer’s there either way.’ She gave him a soft smile. She meant it too – she wouldn’t say it if she didn’t. She wasn’t the type to play complicated games, and he didn’t think she’d do that to him now. But even if it was just as friends, it was still fucking dangerous territory.

‘So.’ She shook back that long blonde hair. ‘What do you think?’

Jesus, just like that, he was supposed to decide? He ran a hand across the back of his neck. ‘Erin . . .’ She was looking over his shoulder again, so he twisted slightly to look too. He’d been right – Chloe was weaving her way back over to them, and he was sure that neither he nor Erin wanted to leave the conversation open around his sister. He cleared his throat and twisted back to her. ‘Erin, I—’

But he stopped, snapped his head back towards the fountain. He’d seen something there. Someone. He was sure of it. It’d only been a moment, but he had that face memorised. He frantically scanned the crowd, until he locked his gaze on a side profile. Warm brown hair, standing out like autumn in the spring, a small nose, full lips. Surely not. But he was already standing, already taking a step towards her, shifting position so as to see a little better. Shaking his head as if he couldn’t be right about this. Maybe it was just because he’d been thinking of her earlier.

And then he heard the sound of her laughing.

‘Max?’ Erin’s voice sounded dim somehow, compared to the thumping of his heart, the sudden blur of noise around him.

‘I’ll be right back,’ he said, aware that his voice was clipped, almost a little panicked, and unable to stop it. He walked swiftly in the girl’s direction, trying to keep his gaze locked on what was now the back of her head, cursing the multiple people who kept getting in his way. He felt a hand on his arm and whipped to it.

Chloe immediately let go, raising her hands as if in surrender. ‘Whoa, what’s up? Did it get that bad?’ She punched her chest dramatically with one hand. ‘Fear not, brother of mine, I’m coming back and I’ll fend off any googly-eyed—’

‘Just give me a minute, ok, Chlo?’

Chloe frowned. ‘Hey, what—’

But he ignored her, quite literally running from her now, swearing under his breath when he couldn’t locate the girl again. Surely it couldn’t be her. He’d left her in London. Left knowing he’d never see her again. His head whipped around, scanning the area around the fountain. He just had to make sure, that was all. That was the only driving thought in his brain right now, even if he was, distantly, aware that it wasn’t entirely logical. His heart was galloping as he jogged around the fountain, ignoring the curious-eyed looks, given he wasn’t dressed for a run. He was a little out of breath already, making him realise how unfit he’d become in the last few months – he’d run the Edinburgh marathon two years ago, for Christ’s sake, and now look at him.

Then he saw it, the flash of hair again, and reached out to grab the girl who was turning away from him. She glanced back, more than a little startled, and frowned. He dropped her arm immediately. ‘Sorry,’ he said quickly, and backed away as a man came up alongside her. ‘I just . . . Sorry.’ He took a breath, pulled both hands through his hair. The girl gave a little shrug, and, after a suspicious look from the guy, they both walked away.

Not Josie. Well, of course not. It was highly bloody unlikely, wasn’t it? But still, the laugh . . . He hadn’t forgotten that laugh. Warm and uninhibited, the type of laugh that made you want to find something to joke about, just so you could hear it again. With one last glance around, he admitted defeat and walked back over to where Chloe and Erin were both standing, staring at him.

Chloe held both her hands out, palms up, as if to conjure up an explanation. ‘What the hell?’

‘Sorry. I just . . . I thought I saw someone.’ They both continued to look at him, and Chloe’s frown deepened. He really hoped she didn’t press – she knew about his whirlwind romance at Christmas, but Erin did not, and given her little speech just now, he doubted she’d take kindly to it. He cleared his throat. ‘It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Just thought I saw a friend, that’s all. Anyway, come on, let’s go and find this castle, that sounds cool.’

He let out a silent breath when they both let the matter drop and turned to pack up the picnic basket. He wasn’t sure he’d have been able to explain it anyway, not in a way that they’d understand. He wasn’t even totally sure he knew what he’d been thinking himself. He only knew that, in that first instant, his heart had jolted at the thought that he might get to see her again and, for just a second, everything else had ceased to matter.

Chapter Fourteen

It was still just light as they pulled up outside the venue in Brooklyn, the sky turning a pale, purply blue, the lights down the street just starting to wink into existence. As he was nearest the car door on the pavement side, Max got out of the cab first, smoothing down the plain black jacket he was wearing over a navy blue shirt – having decided that, for something like this, you couldn’t go wrong with simple and understated – then paid the driver through the window while the other three got out.

Chloe put her hands on her hips and stared at the building in front of them. ‘It doesn’t look like much, does it?’