Page 82 of Everything She Wanted

I’m Such. An. Idiot.

“Damn. Oh, well. Had to ask.”

I should feel flattered at the man’s words, but instead, I feel ill.

The pen slips from my grasp and clatters to the floor. The sound echoes too loudly. I stay pinned to the spot by the printer, holding my breath and praying to every god I’ve ever heard of that they don’t come in here.

“Can we not talk about this here?” A barely audible whisper dripping with discomfort.

“Sure, man. What do you need my help with anyway? Seems like you have a good handle on things here already.”

I hear soft steps on the padded carpet. They start talking about work and their voices start fading in the distance.

I try to regulate my breathing. Breathe in—slowly, deeply—count to four. Now let it go. Exhale to six. I can hear Rachel’s calming voice in my ear, but the breathing technique doesn’t help to quell the nauseating feeling in my stomach.

That must be the new consultant that Nick brought in to help after the recent security incident. From the sounds of it, he’s a friend who knows Nick well, much better than I do.

I stand there stunned, trying to process everything I heard, but my mind wants to shut it all out. I bring my hand to my heart, trying to calm its frantic beating, until my phone buzzes inside my pocket. I slip it out on autopilot and click on the message notification.

Can’t wait to see you tonight babe. xx

The sickening feeling grows, and I place my arm on the wall to steady myself. The solid feel of it helps release some of the tension building in my shoulders and the tightening around my chest.

I peek outside the supply room, making sure there’s no one around, and walk briskly back to my office. I glance at the clock hanging from the wall. It’s almost 7 p.m. Thankfully, the desks are empty this late, and I don’t run into anyone.

I close my office door and drop into my chair, resting my elbows on the desk and sinking my head into my hands.

What the fuck am I doing?

Shame settles on me like a cloud of dust, coating the most vulnerable parts of me I so foolishly exposed.

No one could ever love you, not the way I do. Eshaan’s voice echoes in my ear. Words I don’t want to believe or even acknowledge after our last heated argument, but now they’re the only things preventing me from completely falling apart. He’s right. No one else would want me, not in a serious way.

I know I’m playing a dangerous game that could cost me everything, but I don’t know how I’m ever going to escape from it.

28. #PossessiveAF

I linger at the corner of the bar, ordering another gin and tonic to avoid going back to the table. I can only take Eshaan’s friends in small doses, and I have as much in common with the other girlfriends as I do with a houseplant. Maybe even less. One keeps droning on about how tired she is because her dad is making her actually work at their family business a couple of days a week instead of just depositing money into her account each month. The other has spent the whole time so far swiping through lipstick colours to best match her saree for her cousin’s upcoming wedding, settling on nothing, and boring us with the reasons why every option won’t work. And then there is Dev, the birthday boy, who welcomed me by looking me up and down with so much scrutiny that I wanted to slap the beard right off his face.

I gulp down my drink, imploring the alcohol to kick in as fast as possible, and when it doesn’t, I go get another.

“Here you go.” The bartender slides the drink over casually with a wink. “I made it a double for you.”

“Thank you.” I could hug him. I know I should go back to the table soon, but I can’t get my body to move.

There’s a light touch on my shoulder and I turn around to see a tall man with soft brown eyes staring back at me. He has closely cropped hair and a lopsided smile.

“Nisha, right?”

I bristle, instantly remembering the resonant voice from earlier this evening.

“I’m sorry, have we met?” My voice comes out colder than usual, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, right. Silly me. I’m the new consultant who will be working with Nick. I saw you at the meeting this morning but didn’t get a chance to introduce myself. I’m Matt.”

He holds out his hand and I shake it warily.

“Nick mentioned you’ve been working together.”