Page 78 of Everything She Wanted

My phone buzzes with a notification. I don’t bother looking, but then it buzzes again.

I unlock it to find texts from Eshaan and immediately my anxious heart races into overdrive.

When were you going to tell me you went out with Anjali???

Here we go. I take a deep breath and do what I always do. Smooth things over. I reply that I told him we were going out for dinner after shopping.

And the club afterwards? You know how I feel about that.

I quickly let him know it was Anjali’s idea. I know she won’t mind that I share that part, but still, I feel shitty putting it on her even though it’s true.

I don’t give a shit whose idea it was.

My thoughts scramble as I try to think of a way to defuse the situation, but I don’t know what to say or do that won’t make him more upset.

Dressed like a slut.

My hands shake and I suddenly feel lightheaded. Anjali must have said something to him. I place my phone down, but I know I have to think of something fast before Eshaan completely loses it. But I can’t bring myself to respond. He always thinks the worst of me, and maybe he’s right. I bring my face to my hands as I think about what happened that night and the fallout this week at the coffee shop.

My phone buzzes with more texts but I can’t bring myself to look at them. Tears slip down my face and my shoulders shake with sobs. Everything I do is wrong, no matter how much I try to do things right.

I shouldn’t have gone out with Anjali, especially knowing Nick would be there. And now everything is a mess. But I still don’t regret anything that’s happened with him even though I know I should.

“Nisha.”

I startle at the sound of Nick’s voice, but I don’t remove my hands from my face. I didn’t think anyone was here and I don’t want him to see me like this. I try to take some deep steady breaths, but I can’t calm myself down enough to even pretend I’m fine.

I hear movement and then a comforting hand on my shoulder. I know I should push it away, but I can’t. The simple touch is a balm for my aching heart.

He pulls me up toward him and I let him. My face rests on his chest as he wraps his arms around me. His scent is comforting, inviting, calming. The rhythmic beating of his heart, my own private symphony. I can’t help but wish it was beating only for me.

He smooths my hair and rubs my back and makes me feel like I’m someone special, when most of the time I feel like I’m the opposite. For once, I let myself feel that I am.

That for this moment, I don’t need to be perfect or have it all together or even get it right. I can fall apart and that’s okay. I know he won’t judge me for it, even though I’ll judge myself later for all of this.

The office lights turn off and only the light from the setting sun fills the office.

He holds me closer and I don’t think I ever want to leave his embrace.

My phone starts ringing Eshaan’s ringtone and it breaks the spell. I move away slowly to silence it and then take some tissues to wipe my face.

Nick stays right next to me, concern stamped on his face. He steps closer, running the tips of his fingers along the side of my face, leaving a wake of sparks I feel everywhere. It’s then that I fully take in the sight of him. He changed from the casual Friday jeans and tee he was wearing earlier today to a crisp white dress shirt, rolled up to his elbows with tight khaki trouser pants and sneakers. He’s obviously ready for a night out and I can’t even deny how much that bothers me. He has a life outside of work that has nothing to do with me and that makes me so unbelievably sad. Another tear escapes and he wipes it away softly with his thumb. I can’t bring myself to move away. His blue eyes hold my gaze.

“What’s wrong?”

Everything.

I shake my head. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

He nods in understanding and doesn’t push.

This is the part where I should move away or he should, but we stay rooted to the spot. His gaze holding mine, his eyes searching my face for the words I won’t share with him.

I swallow hard, mustering the courage to walk away from him, from this.

“Do you have plans for tonight?”

Does sitting at home alone and contemplating the disaster that is my life count?