Page 68 of Everything She Wanted

“How was what?”

“Come on, Nish, the kiss.” She’s gesturing wildly with her hands on either side of her.

I get hot just thinking about kissing Nick, and the warm forest air suddenly feels more stifling.

“It was...” Explosive, earth-shattering, mind-blowing, like fireworks lighting up the sky on the darkest of nights. “Incredible,” I say quietly as I stare at the forest floor.

She brings a hand to my shoulder.

“What are you going to do?” she asks.

“Nothing. Forget about it.”

“Is that really what you want?”

What I want? I don’t know what I want anymore. It all seemed simple before—a done deal—and now it feels like a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, where all the pieces don’t fit. I’m running out of time to make sense of it all.

“The ceremony is booked, and I even went shopping with Eshaan’s mom for the wedding jewellery.”

“Nish, who cares? This is your life we’re talking about.”

“It’s not that simple, Rach. This isn’t about just us anymore. It’s about our families too.”

I hold the last piece of sandwich in my hand, no longer feeling like eating it, but I finish it anyway.

“I can’t just walk away from that because of a kiss.” Or whatever that was in the sauna, which I won’t mention to her or to anyone.

“Is it really just a kiss, or are there feelings there too?”

I sigh audibly. Maybe for me there are, but for him? I can’t say for certain. Sure, he is kind and generous and thoughtful—but he’s like that with everyone. Okay, maybe just a tad more with me.

“Rachel, please. Nothing can happen with me and Nick. Can we just change the subject?”

She opens her mouth as if to say more but stops herself and then packs everything up.

“Have you ever heard of forest bathing? You walk through the forest and pay close attention to all your senses, watching as the sunshine hits the forest floor, listening to the scurrying of the animals and the birds serenading you, taking a deep inhale of the refreshing pine scent, and touching a tree or leaves. It’s basically immersing yourself in nature to relieve stress.”

“I’ve heard of it,” I say, with a little too much of an edge in my voice.

“Why don’t you just take some time now, to sit and reflect? I’ll meet you back in the car.” She glances at her phone. “Maybe in an hour?”

“Okay,” I relent. Maybe I do need some time to process this all. I sit back down on the log as she leaves.

I know where I stand with Eshaan, but with Nick, I have no idea what he wants. A relationship? Casual dating? A fling? The truth is a guy like him isn’t single unless he wants to be, but my delusional heart wonders if he’s waiting to meet someone like me. Before Minneapolis and the sauna, I thought I was imaging this all, but now? I know it isn’t just me.

I get up and head deeper into the forest, lost in thought. What would Fantasy Nisha do? The answer is instant: She definitely wouldn’t sit here and ruminate on her own.

I pull out my phone and scroll to his number, hitting dial before I have a chance to overthink this.

“Nisha, hey,” he answers on the third ring.

“Hi,” I say as my hands shake.

“What’s up?”

We never speak on the phone and I sure as hell don’t call him outside work hours on a Saturday afternoon.

“I, um...” I stumble. It sounded so easy a moment ago, but now that he’s on the line, my courage flees.