Page 45 of Everything She Wanted

I look over at Nick, worried he might feel slighted, but he just gives me a playful smile.

“Please, tell me we don’t have to wait in that long line,” I say. The bar is super busy for a Thursday night.

“Kin has an in with the bouncer,” Sunny shares.

“Thank god.”

“I know your bougie tastes and how much you hate waiting for anything. Plus, we know you have an early morning, so we won’t keep you out too late.”

“It’s so good to see you, my friend,” I say to Sunny, and give his shoulder a squeeze. With him, I don’t need to pretend, and with me, he doesn’t need to either.

Thanks to Kin we skip the line and walk right in. Sunny and Kin wander off to talk with some friends while Nick and I line up at the bar.

“Do you go out to clubs often?” He looks at me with those eyes, and I try to remain steady under his gaze, although it’s like he unravels me with every glance.

“Not really.”

Maybe turning thirty is getting to me, but I just can’t stand the sticky floors and insanely loud music, and everyone smashed out of their minds. You have to go with the right people to have fun. Eshaan and his friends are definitely not fun to be around when drunk, and Rachel and I much prefer cozy lounges. Plus, she doesn’t drink anymore.

“Oh?”

I adjust my tight black mini skirt as I search for the right words, wishing I had worn something else, but it’s the eighties getup I planned before I invited Nick: mini skirt, high-top sneakers, cropped fuchsia halter top, and oversized jean jacket. I pulled my hair half up with a scrunchie. Nick is wearing tight jeans, sneakers, and a white shirt, and I force myself not to stare. Even in basic clothes he looks devastating, and in this bar, I’m not the only one who notices.

“I really only go with Sunny. We have this tradition of at least going once a year, but it’s always a gay bar.”

“Why?” He looks at me questioningly as we move up in line.

“He’s spent most of his life trying to fit into places he doesn’t feel like he belongs, and he just wants to be somewhere where it’s not a big deal.”

“I get that.” He gives me a warm smile.

“It’s more fun for me because I can just go out and have fun without worrying about...actually never mind.” I forget what I’m saying around him.

“Worry about what?”

I decide to be honest.

“Oh, you know, getting hit on by random guys. Some of them just don’t get the hint.”

His eyes turn dark as we shuffle up the queue, and he’s silent for a moment. Shit. I didn’t mean him. I get anxious, worrying he might be thinking that I was saying this about him, about that night I don’t know if he remembers, but I can’t forget.

“Was I one of those guys?”

I look at him. “What?” I try not to gasp.

“You know, when we first met. I wondered if you remembered me. Do you?”

My breath catches, and I try to tame my out-of-control pounding heart at his confession.

He remembers me.

Suddenly, I’m back there again. Another dark, crowded room, another bar, and this time I can’t help but imagine what would have happened if, instead of walking away, I had stayed.

It’s our turn to order.

Nick looks over at me. “What are you having?”

“Double gin and tonic, please.”