Page 38 of Everything She Wanted

I swear to god if you’re lying to me...

I completely forgot about location tracking. I didn’t think he would even be checking it. Immediately, I feel guilty. The messages dropped off thirty minutes ago, and heavy panic replaces the light joy of spending time with Nick.

I’ll tell him some of us went to eat after—but then why would we go so far from the building? My mind comes up with all the questions that I don’t know how to answer. I send off a quick text anyway to help placate him. Then I turn my phone off. I can’t deal with his response right now.

It’s fine. I didn’t do anything wrong. I can hear Rachel’s voice in my head.

Eshaan’s reaction isn’t normal.

He’s just pissed because I left the wedding. Weddings are such a big deal, and I left when I was being introduced to the family. It reflects badly on him and us, and I know his mom won’t let me forget it either.

I’m such an idiot. I should have just booked the weekend off. I go down the path of overthinking, wishing I could change things.

I quietly put my key in the door, not wanting to wake Rachel. She won’t be expecting me because I told her I was staying at Shaan’s.

I go to my room, change into my PJs and wipe my makeup off. I still feel panicked and guilty, but there’s something else, too. Something else that feels like irritation.

I don’t have family money to rely on. In fact, if I lost this job, it might take me months to find another one. I have some savings, but with the cost of living so high, they would be gone in no time. Eshaan, who’s had everything handed to him, wouldn’t understand. I’m jealous that he doesn’t have to worry like I do.

After my dad died, my mom started working full-time, and then when I started university, she took a second job on weekends. To help lessen the load, I took out student loans, worked part-time, and lived at home. Adding to the pressure during that time, my sister’s wedding was coming up. My mom worried we wouldn’t have enough to cover everything.

It breaks my heart to think about.

Sometimes, I would take the bus home from university late at night and see South Asian men and women, my grandma and grandpa’s age, going home after cleaning office buildings. I never wanted that to be my mom. That’s why I worked so hard.

I press my fingertips into my closed eyelids to stop the tears.

Eshaan said he could cover everything, that after the engagement I would move in with him—if he ever got rid of his roommate—but I can already see his mom’s disapproval.

Missing a family wedding for work. Is this the kind of girl you want to marry? No respect for us.

It’s almost 7 a.m., and my mind is swirling with anxious thoughts. Finally, the exhaustion catches up with me. These are someone else’s worries. Someone else’s problems. Fantasy Nisha has it all together, and she will keep it all together.

I’ll find a way. I always do. That’s my last thought as I fall into a deep, troubled sleep where even in my dreams, I can’t find any relief.

13. Lovers and Friends

I have no idea what time it is when I wake up, but I’m still tired. I duck my head under the covers. A few more minutes, and then I’ll face the day—even though I want to stay in bed forever.

I throw off the sheets and glance at my phone. It’s 2:22 p.m. Rachel would say that’s a good sign. I hope it is.

I pull on my favourite cozy socks, brush my hair, and head to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Rachel is sitting at the counter and working on her laptop.

“Good morning, or should I say afternoon, sleepyhead.” She gives me a warm smile.

“Good morning. Is there any coffee?”

“I’ll make you one.”

Rachel bought a new fancy espresso machine and I don’t know how to use it.

She gets up while I take a spot on the stool at our kitchen island.

“So, how was the wedding?”

“It was so beautiful.” I tell her all about the lavish decorations and festivities.