Page 22 of Everything She Wanted

Anger and defensiveness flare in my chest. Yes, he posts photos with other girls, and yes it bothers me sometimes, but he’s always out and about, and lots of people recognize him. That’s it. Isn’t it kind of his job?

“He needs to rein it in.” She takes a sip of her latte. “Besides, if he’s not going to give you the attention you deserve, then I’m sure someone else will.” I know who she’s thinking about.

“Just stop, Rach.” I can’t hide my irritation anymore.

“What?”

“We’re getting engaged!” I blurt out, as if that ends all of this—because it kind of does.

“What? Nish you just met him.”

“We’ve been together for almost a year, Rach. Besides, I’m turning thirty soon, which is basically like ancient to my mom. You know how traditional she is.”

“Okay, but does she know about his over-the-top behaviour?”

I set my cappuccino cup down, wishing it were a gin and tonic. “I didn’t realize you were such an expert in healthy relationships.”

Rachel had been in an on-and-off-again relationship for years before she finally called it off, and now she’s not seeing anyone.

Hurt flashes in her eyes, and I immediately regret my words.

“I’m sorry, Rach.”

“It’s fine. You’re right. I’m not an expert, and obviously, the way you’re dealing with things is working out really well for you.” Her words land like a knife. “I should go.” She gets up and leaves.

My fruit tart sits untouched, and my coffee’s gone cold.

Rachel just doesn’t get it. Her parents didn’t question her when she told them she was quitting her lucrative job in corporate America to be a digital nomad and travel the world. They supported her when she ended her relationship. They encouraged her when she told them she wanted to settle in Vancouver. I couldn’t even imagine having that kind of backing or the freedom to do whatever I wanted. I had to spend weeks convincing my mom to let me move here, and she only finally agreed, because my dad’s sister, my Bhua Ji, lives nearby in South Surrey. She even wanted me to move in with my Bhua, or at least tell the rest of the family that’s where I was staying, but I pushed back. I didn’t want to lie to keep up appearances. I had done enough of that already.

I wasn’t a teenager anymore, I could have just left, but at the risk of my mom not talking to me for months—at best—or at worst, disowning me like she threatened to do before. I couldn’t be the cause of more pain for her. She had already been through so much with losing my dad.

Still, I wish she didn’t scrutinize every little thing I did, especially because my dad isn’t here to tell her to go easy on me. She hated how he would indulge me, whether it was allowing me to take up hip-hop dance or encouraging me when I mentioned I wanted to apply to universities and colleges outside the country. My eyes well up when I think that my dad’s been gone for almost fifteen years. I can’t help but think things would be easier if he were here. I wouldn’t have to worry so much about getting it right, and maybe I could just let things flow instead of trying to hyper-control every aspect of my life.

I don’t have that luxury, and it’s fine, or at least, it’s just how it is. I brush the tears away in the mostly empty dining area.

I want to get married, so why wait? It would make my family happy, and it’s not like I’m looking for casual hook-ups. I only want the real thing, and I have it.

I take a sip of my cold cappuccino, barely tasting it. I wish Rachel could see things from my perspective. Even if I was single, hooking up with Nick, the guy hired to coach me, would be a major career-limiting move. I would never risk my shot at an epic career.

I obviously don’t have anyone I can count on, except for Shaan. I grab my phone and dial him. It rings a few times before he picks up, out of breath. I can hear shouting in the background.

“What’s up, babe?”

“Hey, do you still want to meet up for a bit?”

“Sure. I’m just finishing up a game of basketball with the guys. It’s not too far from your place. I can stop by after for a bit.”

“Okay. I’ll order dinner.”

He’s the one I can count on no matter what. He’s right: My friends don’t get me the way he does. He accepts all the parts of me, even the ones I try to hide.

I’m grateful that I didn’t do something stupid a year ago, the night I met Nick. It would have been fun, maybe, but meaningless—and I want so much more than that.

I want what Shaan is serving, and all I have to do is accept it. The bad with the good, and I will.

A new resolve takes hold.

Rachel doesn’t want to settle and is waiting to meet ‘the one.’ In the meantime, she turns down anyone that isn’t that in her quest.