Page 112 of Everything She Wanted

“Nick,” I say as he turns to me. His face is stamped with sadness, and I wonder if it’s always been there.

“Yes?”

“I hope you find your goddess.”

I wish I was her.

He looks at me with such tenderness.

You are.

I walk out the door and then look back as I approach the elevators.

He’s still standing at the door and holding it open even though I’ll never walk through it again, and that’s how I want to remember him.

The man who opened all the doors for me, especially the door back to myself and my heart.

39. Cold Heart

Eshaan and I sit on a park bench watching the sunset with our ice cream cups in our hands—mine is filled with mint chocolate chip, topped with sprinkles, and Eshaan has salted caramel—as people mill around us.

It’s warm out as summer is quickly approaching, and the ice cream shop is busy even at 8 p.m. I dip my spoon in his cup and take as much as I can.

“Hey, not so fast.”

He takes my spoon and feeds me, and I take a spoonful of my mint chip and do the same.

“You wanted a big scoop of mint chip, so now you have to stick with it,” he says as he bumps my shoulder.

“I wanted salted caramel, too.” If only life were that easy, and you could always get every single thing you wanted.

We finish our ice cream and discard the cups in the compostables bin.

He grabs my hand. “Want to walk for a bit?”

“I’d love to.”

He’s lighter now that his Dadi Ji is doing a little better. She’s excited about the engagement and, for once, is listening to the doctor’s orders. I’m so happy because I know how hard it is to lose someone. The grief never truly goes away, but the good memories become even stronger. I think of Dad and how he would always bring home Neapolitan ice cream, even though I only liked the chocolate—Mom liked vanilla, and Preeti loved the strawberry, so it was perfect for our little family.

We walk along the beach, close to Stanley Park, and my mind drifts to Nick. I always imagined running into him on the Seawall after our first meeting at the bar, more than a year ago now, before he showed up at the office. My heart still pangs at the thought of our missed opportunity, even though it wasn’t meant to be.

I have to trust that the universe has big plans for me, as Rachel often reminds me, and for once, I’m starting to believe in the universe and in myself. But I have to take the first step and take charge of my life.

We stop and gaze out at the ocean as the sun dips lower on the horizon, and I muster up the courage to ask something I should have asked a long time ago.

“Shaan, before Saturday, I need to ask you something.”

He turns to me with curiosity in his eyes. “No, you can’t drive the Maserati,” he laughs.

“It’s not that.” I look down at my sneakers, now covered in sand. I let the ground beneath me support me as I brace myself to say what’s coming next.

“What, then?”

“Did anything ever happen between you and Sonia since we’ve been together?” I hold my breath as I hazard a glance up.

His eyes turn cold. He takes a few steps away. “I can’t believe you. My Dadi Ji is practically on her deathbed, and my family is spending a small fortune on our engagement party, and you ask me this three days before our engagement?”

He shakes his head and turns away.