Page 99 of Love Bomb

“She zapped him,” Rona said, not even bothering to whisper.

“Quick,” Margaret said to her husband. “Tie his feet.”

“With what?” Dougal was still holding the tray.

“Use your scarf.” Margaret pulled hers off and started tying the guard’s hands behind his back. “We need a gag or he’ll call for help once he stops drooling. Gimme your hat.”

“This hat is new.” Dougal looked around for somewhere to put the tray. Eventually, he gave up and sat it in the snow beside the folly.

“Dougal,” Margaret snapped. “Hat!”

Dougal reluctantly handed over his bright red hat before removing his scarf. He bent over the guard’s feet and started winding it around his legs.

“I like this scarf,” he complained. “It has a Scottie Dog motif.”

“I’ll make you another one,” Margaret snapped as she stuffed the hat in the guard’s mouth.

“Should we do something,” Rona whispered.

“Like what?” Bain said. “Unlike Santa and Mrs. Claus, we can’t let people see us.”

“I’ve got this,” Conall said as he pulled out his phone. “Red Leader, this is Gaudi One. Christmas Two has gone rogue. I repeat, Christmas Two has gone rogue.”

Rona tugged Conall’s sleeve. “Is there a Gaudi Two?” she asked.

He shook his head. “The man was a genius. There can be only one.”

As Bain watched, Dougal and Margaret stood, dusted off their hands and looked around, as though expecting help. None came. The guard, meanwhile, lay writhing in the snow, wrapped up in a colorful assortment of knitted accessories.

“What do we do with him now?” Dougal hissed at his wife.

“Hide him?” Margaret said. “Let’s roll him into the folly.”

“We can’t put him in the folly,” Dougal said with exasperation. “We’re blowing it up.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot.” Margaret pointed to the graveyard. “We’ll roll him that way.”

They bent over and proceeded to roll the poor guy across the snow. Like they were making a snowman.

It didn’t work.

After one full roll, Dougal was out of breath. He took out his phone. “This is Christmas One,” he said. “We need a pick-up at the folly.”

“Red Leader here,” Darach said. “What the hell?”

“This is Wooly Socks,” another voice sounded in the night. “We’re on our way.”

“Red Leader here,” Darach said. “Wooly Socks, you are not cleared to enter the folly zone.”

“Bollocks,” Wooly Socks replied.

On the snow, the guard started to struggle against his restraints. Margaret calmly bent over and zapped him again.

There was the sound of a car engine and small, purple Honda came barreling over the snow.

“This is not covert,” Rona muttered.

Two retired women scrambled out of the car. Jean opened the boot, while the other woman ran to help Dougal and Margaret lift the groaning guard.