Page 39 of Love Bomb

The priest frowned. “I don’t think Rona breaking into your lab constitutes as magic or dabbling in the dark arts,” he said. “This is more of a topic for a police officer than a priest. It sounds like run-of-the-mill criminal behavior to me. Have you been getting enough sleep? I hear you’re under a lot of pressure, what with another paternity suit in the works.”

Honestly, nothing was private in Invertary. “I’m fine. Sure, I could probably use some sleep, but it’s no’ impairing my judgement.”

Bain came to a halt in front of the man.

“Okay,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “It’s like this. Rona kissed me and something weird happened. Something that’s never happened to me before. And it’s kind of freaked me out.” He leaned in to whisper. “I think she did something to me.”

A look of understanding passed over the priest’s face.

“It’s all right, son,” he said. “I hear this sort of thing happens to the best of us. It’s not your fault you got over-excited. You’ve just reached the age where you don’t have as much control over yourself as you once had. It’s not some great conspiracy on Rona’s part, it’s life. But if you’re really worried about it, go see your doctor. Are we done here?” He turned toward the door.

“No,” Bain snapped. “We’re not done here. What the hell are you talking about?” Belatedly, he remembered where he was, and who he was talking to. “Sorry, heck. What the heck are you talking about?”

Father McMurtry looked at him with genuine pity. “Premature ejaculation, Bain, that’s what we’re talking about. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Bain felt the blood drain from his face. “Should you even be saying those words?” he asked. “And why are you saying them to me?” Then realization hit. He held up his hands. “No, just no. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I have no problems in that department, thank you. There’s nothing premature—” he thought about his mother’s oats comment “—or too mature, about me at all. I’m perfectly mature for my age and functioning normally, thank you very much.”

Father McMurtry was clearly unconvinced. “Aye, well, like I said. If there are any problems in that department, you’d best talk to your GP. Now are we done?”

“No, we’re not done.” Bain was getting irritated.

Here he was, trying to get help and all the man could think about was roast pork and dumplings. He took a deep breath and fought to calm down. It took a second.

“Okay,” he said at last. “Let’s try again. This morning, Rona kissed me. It was out of the blue and took me by surprise. And to be honest, wasn’t all that welcome—at first. Because, well, she’s Rona, you know. She’s the little sister I never wanted. Or a pet stalker. Anyway, I have no amorous feelings toward her whatsoever. Following me so far?” He studied the man to make sure they were on the same page this time.

The priest waved a hand in a speed-it-up motion. “You don’t fancy Rona, got it. And?”

“This is the weird part. I don’t fancy Rona. At least, I don’t think I do. But when she kissed me, something strange happened. It was like I was drugged. I couldn’t think straight. Suddenly, I was desperate for her. I felt…out of control.” He gave the priest a serious look. “I never feel out of control. If she hadn’t spilled hot chocolate over me, I wouldn’t have stopped. I’d have been unable to stop. You get me?”

“Son,” Father McMurtry said. “It sounds like you were horny. Trust me, I hear this in confession far more than I’d like.”

“No!” This was exasperating. “I know horny. This was different.” He took a deep breath. “I think she did something to me. I need you to figure it out and fix it.”

There was a moment’s silence where the priest just stared at him.

“How?” he finally said.

“I don’t know!” Bain started pacing again. “Can’t you pray over her and see if a demon comes out?” That sounded good. Biblical even. He stopped in front of the priest. “She’s done something to make me crazed with lust. I need you to get to the bottom of it, because it isn’t of this world.”

“Bain, son,” the priest said with patience. “I bumped into Rona yesterday and I have to say, the only thing she’s done to make you crazed with lust is to develop into an attractive young woman.”

Bain was shaking his head. “It can’t just be that.”

“There’s nothing evil going on here,” the priest said with absolute authority.

“You’re sure?” Bain said. “You could tell that just from bumping into her?”

“The ability to discern evil comes with the job,” he said.

“Okay,” Bain said slowly, still unconvinced. “Then what the hel—heck is happening here?”

The priest came up beside him and put a hand on Bain’s shoulder. “You’re obviously sleep deprived. My advice to you is to go home and get some shut eye. If you still think Rona’s cast some sort of spell over you when you wake up, give me a call and I’ll go check on her again. Okay?”

He gently guided Bain toward the door.

“Are you just saying this so you can get to your roast pork?”

“No,” Father McMurtry said. “This is one of the most interesting conversations I’ve had in a while. But I’m worried about you, son. I think you’re letting your imagination get the better of you.”