Page 118 of The Wedding Forecast

‘Because it’s awful, okay? The apps, first dates, the energy you have to put into it all. I hate it! Not dating has made me happier than I’ve ever been.’ How dare she lecture me about getting out anywhere. She has no idea what she’s talking about. It’s breathtaking how easy her life has been.

‘That’s because you’re giving all that energy to Mac. And he’s nice and safe because he’s filling the role of boyfriend for you without you having to enter into an actual relationship.’

‘No, he’s not.’

‘Yes, he is. You talk to him every day, you save up all your stories for him, you rely on him, you watch movies with him. I see your face when you’re texting him. I saw you, in New York. I saw your face when you were with him! You still wear his hoodie all the time. You’re in a long-distance relationship with him, but is he in one with you?’

‘No one is in a relationship, and no one thinks they’re in a relationship. Trust me, I am painfully aware I am single.’

‘But you don’t have to be.’

‘Have you ever considered I am happy on my own? That it’s actually a very freeing state to be in?’

‘It’s just, you left Joel because you wanted kids.’

‘I’m looking into freezing my eggs.’

‘Are you really?’

‘Yes.’

This is true. And I decided maybe, but not yet. In two years. Because I am an avoider and two years is a nice safe amount of time to make decisions in. Maybe four. It’s quite expensive.

‘Okay. Well. Okay. Look. I just—’ Hayley takes a deep breath. ‘I love you. I don’t want you to get hurt.’

‘Then please stop psychoanalysing me.’

‘I’m not.’

She is, and the thing is I can do it right back, and she’s pushing me into it.

‘Do you ever think about why you care so much if I’m single or not?’ I say.

‘Because I love you.’

‘No. You care because Luke wants kids but you’re too scared to do it on your own. You want me to be in the same place as you.’

‘Yes, I do! We always said that, that we wanted to be like our mothers and have kids at the same time and raise them together. You saw me with Birdie! I have no idea what I’m doing.’

‘Well, I’m sorry to ruin your timeline, but I can’t live my life based on where you’re up to.’

‘I’m not asking you to.’

‘Really?’

‘This isn’t about having kids. This is about what is being offered to you and why you’re going to turn it down.’

‘I’m not turning anything down.’

‘You’re going to, I can tell. In the hope that he asks you to come to New York.’

‘Well, it’s my life, and my choice, and I want you to just leave my room right now.’

‘Fine.’

‘Fine.’

I am seethingly mad. Hayley is a good target for my anger. I argue with her in my head for hours after this. How dare she? Who does she think she is? I should never have moved in here. What was I thinking?