Page 116 of Salto

“Feeling bad about making me take an ice bath now, huh?” There was a hint of teasing in my tone.

He didn’t immediately answer. He took another sip of his drink, set it down, then leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.

“Believe it or not, I don't like seeing you suffer, Red.”

Images of him across from me in the ice bath, his fingers threaded through mine, flashed through my mind.

“Keep your eyes on me, Red.”

My heart rate sped up at the memory.

It had felt strangely intimate—him choosing to share the pain with me instead of watching from the sidelines.

I looked down, unable to fully meet his gaze without slipping back into the moment we’d just shared.

“Well, I was being stubborn. You were right. I needed to do it.” I sighed, wrapping both my hands around my cup like it was my own personal little furnace.

It was quiet for a moment, except for the tapping of one of the customers working on their laptop and the whir of a coffee machine behind the counter.

“Can I ask you something?” I blurted.

A little guilt tugged at me for exploiting the situation, but maybe if he felt like he owed me one, he'd actually answer.

“Shoot,” he said.

“Vanta called me into his office before the qualifier,” I said, tracing the rim of my cup with my fingertip. “He said that he thinks you see yourself in me.”

Rove didn’t react immediately. He simply kept sipping his drink, seeming to think about his answer before speaking.

“Did he say anything else?" he finally asked.

“That he thinks you’re using me to fill a hole,” I said, quieter now. Ever since Vanta had said it, the thought had been quietly gnawing at me.

After a moment, Rove laughed, but it was a humorless laugh.

“What?” I looked up, brow furrowing.

“Nothing.” Rove shook his head.

I didn’t know if he’d answer me, but then after a moment he spoke again.

“You really want the answers?” he asked. It seemed like he was double-checking.

I swallowed. Despite my best efforts not to meet his gaze, I couldn't tear my eyes away. His eyes held the most enigmatic expression I'd ever seen, the dark green alive with something I'd never witnessed before.

I nodded.

“I absolutely see myself in you,” he said, his voice suddenly sounding more guttural than normal. “Sometimes it’s like looking in a mirror.”

I didn’t move. Didn’t breathe.

“But I’m not using you to fill a hole.” He shook his head. “Vanta wants to think that because he can’t fathom that I gave up the next Olympics out of my own free will. He wants to believe I’m trying to fill the void rather than accept that I’m content where I am.”

My brow furrowed. “You’ve said something before. About how you could’ve kept going.”

“I did,” he said.

“I don’t understand,” I admitted.