Page 2 of Sorry

It was perfect.

Well… that went to shit really fast. After Tess got into a dental assistant school, she started having bigger life goals, or “High standards” as she would often tell me when we argued.

“Don’t you want to hold yourself up to a higher standard, Alex?” She would scoff at me. She was always holding herself like she was above most people. But when we dated in high school, that wasn't something I really noticed, I was a stupid, damaged kid. Her parents weren't any better. They came from money. They never addressed me as someone worthy of their daughter because I had nothing. They never said anything to me outright, but how they felt about me was palpable. I always suspected they gave us this house to move us far away from them, and hide the fact their daughter married… ME.

She started making snide comments about me being stagnant, and mocking me for being content working as a contractor. She would say she was embarrassed when people saw us together; while I am in my dirty work cargo pants with calloused banged up hands, and my favorite tan work boots. She pulled away slowly and intimacy became non-existent, just three years into our marriage.

I have been jacking off to porn occasionally ever since, whenever I needed release. I didn’t even want sex… Our sex life has always been unsatisfying anyway. Neither of us had any experience; being each other's firsts, and we were not compatible at all. Every time I wanted to be more passionate, to go slow, to enjoy it and be in the moment, she would say, “Alex just fuck me faster, you know what I like”

Yeah… I know what she liked, getting dicked down to within an inch of her life, fast, hard and quick. Never even bothering to check if I finished before she got up to clean herself. I usually finished by my own hand or just waited till my cock deflated. What was even the point? I couldn't cheat on her even though I didn't love her anymore. I was just not a disloyal guy. To be fair, I didn't think we ever actually loved each other. I did love the idea of us, of a family, with or without children.

She liked me for what I had to offer in bed, and our marriage became a habit and a comfort, it's all we ever knew. All I ever knew. But her standards got higher than a simple rugged, broody contractor. I don't even know if I know how to love, or what being loved feels like... I never had that, in any shape or form growing up. But it’s all I have ever wanted.

“Alex, I am going out and don’t know when I will be back. Girls might want us to stay in Lisa’s family cabin for the weekend.” Tess stated, while applying another coat of lipstick in front of a mirror.

“Okay Tess, have fun with P… the GIRLS” I muttered, almost saying Paul’s name. Luckily, she didn't pay attention to me and just left. That's the extent of our conversation today, it's more than what we say to each other most days.

Alone again. I took my phone and opened up the group chat with Matt and Jake. They have been my best friends since I was in my early twenties. When I started my apprenticeship at Matt's family company. The two of them started working there three years after me, after they finished high school. With nothing else to do, I slumped lower on the couch with a sigh, and typed out a text.

THE CREW CHAT

ME: Beer at my house tonight?

MATT: Nah man, I am fucking tired.

JAKE: Same…

JAKE: How are you not fucking wrecked man?

JAKE: That demolition job today was tough as fuck...

JAKE: And you went to the gym after work again...

JAKE: Isn't Tess home?

JAKE: Is she out again?

Here we go again...

MATT: Jake! Don’t be a dick ! And can you not type out a whole message in one instead of spamming the chat???!!!

JAKE: I am not being a dick!

JAKE: Asshole!

JAKE: I won't pretend that my friend isn't miserable.

Fuck my life…

JAKE: And I like the burst of messages.

JAKE: Makes my point come across with more flair.

I rolled my eyes while they bickered like an old married couple, and ignored the incessant pings coming from my phone. Their arguing could go on for a while. I got up and walked to the kitchen, to make a cup of coffee and grab a snack. With a steaming cup of black coffee that had entirely too much sugar in it—by any dietitians standard— and a whole tray of food, I made my way back to the sofa. I sat in my favorite corner, and grabbed the book I have been dying to finish. If only I had someone to curl up against me…

CHAPTER 3

SAM