Page 17 of Hard as Steel

Warm water coated in bubbles surrounded them. Steel’s chest felt every bit as softly solid as it had been when they were scarred in different ways. His arms had healed Krystof, and Krystof hoped he had done the same. Now they were different people acting the way they had when they had been whole. Now the pain they carried was different. Krystof had a terrible feeling in his gut that maybe the only way Steel could be whole was without him.

Steel’s lips kept skimming Krystof’s shoulder. Tears still mixed with the water on his face. Krystof kept wiping them away to hide them. His insides had been torn open by seeing the full damage of what he had done. He didn’t even know what to say, but he knew the silence between them couldn’t continue.

“Are there any safe topics yet?”

A watery laugh burst from Krystof at Steel’s question. He felt the way Steel smiled against his shoulder at the sound.

“I have a feeling every topic is pretty open now.”

Steel’s smile grew against his skin. “Yeah. That was a pretty epic meltdown we had. It was a long time coming, I suppose.”

“Yeah.” The sadness couldn’t be missed in his voice. Krystof cleared his throat and tried harder to sound normal. “So… where do we go from here?”

“I plan to hold you until we’re both so prune-y, we look like we’re ninety. Then I’m going to hold you for the rest of the day and night while kicked back in our pajamas.”

Krystof hated to interrupt the beautiful picture Steel painted, but he forgot a detail. “I don’t have any pajamas here. I don’t have anything but you, really. Not that I’m complaining, because I’m definitely not.”

“Hmm. Well, I’ll be holding you for the rest of the day and night nude, it seems. That totally works for me, even though I’m pretty damn positive we can’t behave unclothed. I’m not opposed to that either. Tomorrow, I’ll call Timber in to run the California branch for a few days. We can head to Seattle, and you can decide from there if you want to move your entire life here with me.”

Going into this battle, Krystof had known that if he won, that would likely mean him moving a state away from Kuba. They could easily travel back and forth to see each other. But Krystof would never expect the same of Steel, and Steel deserved for Krystof to do whatever was needed. Not to mention, this was a chance he didn’t deserve. He would move to California.

“The weather here is better.”

Steel didn’t respond right away. He kissed Krystof’s shoulder again. “What about Kuba?”

It amazed Krystof how Steel always worried about Kuba, even though he knew Krystof had basically left Steel for him. “We talked this over the night Diesel left him. I told him everything, and he ordered me to stay in SoCal and do whatever it took to get you back.”

A soft, sexy chuckle rumbled behind him. “He’s a great kid. I’m not surprised. He has an incredible father.”

Krystof didn’t know what to say to that. He was pretty damn certain Kuba had turned out so amazing due to Ana. Kuba was her. He had her every beautiful trait. His chest hurt. He would miss her until the day he died, and he couldn’t say that. No matter how open their discussions, his lifelong friendship with Ana had to stay in the past.

“It’s okay to mourn her. She was a big part of your life.” Steel paused for a moment. “Even bigger than I’ve ever been. I highly doubt you stopped caring for her just because she’s gone.”

A lump grew in Krystof’s throat. Steel never stopped amazing him with his mind-reading skills, or maybe he just knew Krystof that well. “Why are you so perfect? I’ve always had a million flaws, and you still keep pretending they don’t exist.”

“Because I’m not perfect,” Steel said without missing a beat. “You just see me that way because love is blind.” Steel swallowed so hard, Krystof heard it. “Knowing you still see me the way you do says more than any begging ever could. You still love me.”

Krystof shifted forward and turned so he could see Steel’s face. He needed to look into his eyes. “I never stopped loving you. Not for a single second. No matter how much that love made me wonder if it would kill me, I didn’t let go. I didn’t give up. Even if I had never set eyes on you again, I would’ve gone to my grave still loving you.”

Steel looked intense in a way Krystof remembered too well. Krystof lost his breath. Steel could be terrifying. That was one of the many reasons he was so good at his job. One look from him would give a man pause. If that person didn’t stop there, they would see a wrath like no other. But there was another side to that fixed expression, and that was what Krystof saw staring at him now. He knew whatever Steel did next would stick with him forever.

Steel leaned forward and hauled Krystof onto his lap until Krystof straddled him.

His gaze never wavered from staring into Krystof’s eyes. “I hated you.”

The hit landed, freezing his lungs. He had been right. Krystof would never forget that one.

Steel didn’t stop. “I’ve hated you so much that the constant loathing steered every facet of my life. When you reappeared in my life, I wanted to lash out like I never have before, especially when I realized you have a son older than we’ve been broken up. But at the wedding, when we danced, I realized something monumental. Something I can’t believe never occurred to me. Hatred like I felt for you only comes from one place: love. You can’t hate anyone as much as I did you unless I still loved you every bit as much as when we were together. I was in your arms. When I closed my eyes, that love showed itself and flipped my existence upside down.”

Krystof couldn’t stop hanging on Steel’s every word.

Steel seemed to have more. “I don’t know what I wanted or expected when I showed up at your door this morning. It’s just that when I held you, you still felt like mine, and I can’t let you walk away without trying. I have to give us another shot. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you if I don’t.”

Krystof’s mind was all over the place. Steel’s confession didn’t sit right for some reason. “So I’m on trial.” It hadn’t been a question. Krystof heard what he heard.

Steel’s expression didn’t soften. “That’s up to you, really. It seems I still desperately love you despite the past. Please don’t fail me again. I won’t survive you twice.”

Krystof nodded, giving Steel’s demand the seriousness it deserved. They were still different people. Maybe they had traits now that one or both of them hated. It was entirely possible Krystof had romanticized this relationship more than actual reality. There was a chance they wouldn’t make it. It was a risk he was willing to take. “I swear you’ll never regret me.” Even if it turned out he hated this version of Steel, Steel would have to kill him to get rid of him.