Page 62 of You Were Always the One

A step ahead of me, Emma has already started looking at places, mostly too expensive or in the wrong location for her. But then she finds one she says is perfect.

‘It’s actually affordable,’ she says. ‘There’s a good nursery around the corner. I know you’re going to be around,’ she adds quickly. ‘But I’m going to need help with day care.’ She pauses. ‘It’s available from the first of October. I think I’m going to take it.’

That’s less than a fortnight away. ‘That’s really good news.’ I try to sound pleased for her. It’s important for Emma to have somewhere.

‘What about you?’ she asks. ‘Any luck?’

‘Not yet,’ I say vaguely. ‘But before you ask, I am looking.’

‘Good. You don’t have long,’ she says unnecessarily.

With time picking up speed, the subject of moving becomes a priority, but I find myself torn. There’s what’s going on in Holly’s life, then there’s Emma and the baby. There’s also her relationship with Archie – wherever that ends up taking her. In the end, I decide on going away just for a month or two, so that I’m back long before the baby’s born.

I imagine somewhere in Europe that will fire my imagination; for the first time in a while, I feel a glimmer of light. So what’s it to be, Riggs? Snowy mountains, or the sea? When I start looking, it isn’t long before I find somewhere. It’s in France, slap bang in the middle of nowhere. And it could never be a forever move, but right now, a tiny little place on the outskirts of a hamlet seems perfect for a writer and his laptop.

‘Sorted,’ I announce to Emma.

She looks at me warily. ‘What is?’

‘I’ve found a place to move to,’ I say.

Her face lights up. ‘That’s great, Rigby. Where?’

‘France,’ I say nonchalantly. ‘Not far from the Pyrenees.’

Her eyes widen. ‘I didn’t know you were moving away.’ A shadow crosses her face. ‘From a completely selfish point of view, I was hoping you’d be around when the baby arrives.’

‘I’m only going for a month or two. I’ll be back,’ I say. ‘Anyway, you probably won’t want me around. Your friends won’t leave you alone once the baby’s here. And Archie will want to spend time with you.’ But there’s something we still haven’t talked about. ‘Do you want me there at the birth? Or someone else – like your mother?’

‘Why would I want anyone else there?’ She looks at me as though I’m mad. ‘Least of all my mother. I can’t believe you said that.’

‘Of course I want to be there,’ I say. ‘I just thought it might be useful, having your mother around. She could stay with you. Think of the free babysitting and the help with the expenses…’ Knowing Emma’s mother, there’s no question she won’t want to help.

‘There’s no way I want her at the birth,’ Emma says. ‘But other than that, you have a point.’ She looks at me. ‘Will you definitely be back when the baby’s born?’

‘It’s part of my plan,’ I reassure her. ‘And I’m only going to be a short flight away.’

‘I’ll miss you while you’re away.’ She pauses. ‘What about you and Holly?’

The billion-trillion-dollar question I haven’t let myself think about. I look at her sadly. ‘I don’t think there’s going to be a me and Holly.’

It’s the only cloud over an otherwise positive and buoyant time as for once, I’m taking the reins of my life. The feeling lasts until a week before Emma moves when she knocks on the door of my study one evening. ‘I’m sorry, Rigby. I know you’re busy. But something’s wrong.’

As she speaks, I stop typing mid-sentence. Then, looking up, I take in her ashen face, the fear in her eyes. I leap up and go over to her. ‘What is it?’

She holds her hands over her bump. ‘I think it’s the baby. I’m having cramps.’ She bends over slightly.

‘I’ll take you to the hospital,’ I say, already going to get my keys, before grabbing Emma’s jacket and helping her put it on, then reaching for my own. Outside, I offer her my arm. ‘You’re going to be OK,’ I tell her as we make our way towards my car.

Emma’s silent as I drive, the welfare of the baby the only thing on both our minds as I’m thinking, how can I go away now? What if I’m not here and Emma needs me? I keep glancing at her, driving as fast as I dare. ‘Have you told Archie?’ I ask. He cares for Emma and they’ve been spending a lot of time together. If I was him, I’d want to know.

She shakes her head. ‘I left him a message. He’s flying.’

Reaching the hospital, I pull into the ambulance bay. Then I run to the first paramedic I see.

‘My ex. She’s in the car. She’s pregnant – five months – and she’s having pains. It’s too early.’

I watch, slightly awed, as they take over, gently coaxing Emma into a wheelchair before taking her in. I walk beside them until one of them glances at me.