Page 51 of Fierce-Colson
“You do. You deserve it. So does Zander.”
“He does. We do. And you do too. So tell me about this young love that you’re hoping turns into wild lovers.”
She laughed, Zola finished her bottle and Regan reached for her to get her to burp.
“His name is Colson Ryder.”
Regan’s head lifted, their eyes connected and then her sister-in-law dropped them back down. “Sounds sexy.”
“Oh, he is. He’s a detective for Durham PD. We dated all of eighth grade and part of ninth. I think he was the hottest kid in our class.”
“And now, as an adult?”
“Smoking. Like find me a bucket of water to dump on me when he’s within ten feet.”
“And mess up your hair?”
She shook her head out, her hair flying around. “I don’t care. And that tells you everything. When he’s around me.” She put her hand to her chest, her fingers wide, then made a fist. “He’s got me somewhere in here. Not just emotionally, but physically.”
Regan studied her over the rim of her mug, a slow, knowing smile spreading across her face while her daughter was content to snuggle in. “Oh. That kind of got-you.”
She nodded, her lips pressing together like that might contain everything buzzing through her. “That kind.”
“Okay,” Regan said, settling back against the couch cushions, the baby secure against her shoulder. “Therapy session time. Start with how he makes you feel. Not what he does. How you feel.”
She didn’t answer right away. This was always fun with Regan. When they had these talks.
But it rarely was this personal.
Did they talk about guys in the past?
Sure. Usually how someone wasn’t going to work out. Not how someone could be the one. And for her to know it so quickly on top of it.
She watched Zola’s tiny fist curl into Regan’s shirt, felt the steady rhythm of the house, the normalcy of it all. And because Regan was family, because she was safe, she let the truth out rather than play it off as something fun.
Because it was way more than that.
“Unsteady,” she said. “In a good way. Like I’m not bracing all the time. Like I can breathe. But if for some reason I tripped and stumbled, there is no fear at all that I’d kiss the pavement. His hands would be there to catch me, then kiss the air out of my lungs before he let me go after making sure I was steady.”
Regan’s expression softened, then the excitement filled her eyes. “That’s not nothing.”
“No,” she agreed quietly. “I spend my entire life in control. Making decisions and holding the line. Not only holding it, but tugging harder than anyone else. When I’m with him, I don’t feel smaller, bigger, nothing like that, but I don’t feel like I have to be on either. And that alone is a first for me.”
“That sounds dangerous,” Regan teased gently. “In the most wicked way possible.”
“It is,” she admitted. “Because I want him. Not just physically—though, yes, very much that—but I want the way he looks at me. Like he sees all of it and still chooses to stay close and offer a hand. If I dared ask, but you know I never will.”
“Why wouldn’t he stay close?” Regan asked, her brows lifted. “You’re an awesome person and anyone should be honored to be with you. And we know I’ve got to tell you there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. I learned it the hard way, so take my advice and don’t fight it.”
She loved the loyalty. “Thank you for that. And it’s all true.”
“Not cocky in the least,” her sister-in-law said drily.
“It’s a Conway thing,” she said, letting out a laugh. “But you know how it is. It’s just not been easy for me in my position before and now as the new DA, I feared it be harder. But nothing with Colson is hard.”
“Doesn’t sound that way to me.”
“I mean what he makes me feel is hard. The confusion when I’m not used to that, but being myself is the easiest thing in the world around him. That is what I need. The past just came alive again. Fun, frivolous, carefree even for a moment.”
