Page 4 of Mage Massacres

“But how?” I felt vulnerable and exposed as I nearly begged him to answer me. “How did the bond seal, Palmer? You were dead. No breath, no heartbeat. I killed you. I... Your body…”

I sat back on my heels, squeezing my eyes closed so tightly that they ached. The memories of his demise were too fresh to replay. And they were much more vivid now that I was calming down.

The condition of his body had been devastating. Some of his skin had been charred, the blackened bits appearing as though they would turn to ash at the slightest touch of the summer breeze. The blisters and lesions had split open on his arm when I shifted his hand to grasp it.

I tilted my head, turning my face to the sky as I implored the universe for rain. I’d even take being soaked by the sprinklers if it meant covering the tears that threatened to escape once more.

I knew that virtually no time had passed us by, but I worried about how long the images would haunt my waking dreams. The guilt of killing him was suffocating me, flattening my lungs and cutting off my ability to breathe properly.

Outwardly, I was upset but coming to terms that he was okay. Inwardly, my body was telling a different story. Turmoil thrashed around the walls of my mind, lashing out by reminding me of all the things I should have felt guilt over but didn’t.

My temples throbbed as ringing began in my ears. The siren-like wails were so loud that I ground my teeth together, fighting through the onslaught of negative reactions my subconscious was throwing at me.

I was spiraling. Down, down into the deepest pits of Hell that my despair could conjure up.

I needed a moment, and I repeated as much to my mates as I stumbled to my feet. Vaughn stuck his hand out, catching me before I could fall back onto the grass. His cool touch grounded me. His lips moved, but all I could hear was the screeching in my ears.

“I can’t hear you,” I muttered, shaking my head.

His brows dipped low as he studied me. It was more attention than I wanted, so I pulled away gently. I gave him a sad smile as I slowly trudged to the back door.

In the kitchen, the cold air hit me forcefully. The shaking in my limbs intensified as I opened the freezer and removed a bottle of tequila. It might not be the responsible thing to do, but I needed the liquid courage to face the night’s events.

I used as little power as I could to call some kind of shirt to my body. Dirty or clean, I didn’t care. I just craved the warmth, the embrace of something touching me that was as emotionless as I wished I could be.

Then I hugged the frosty glass bottle against the center of my chest as I dragged my feet up all the fucking stairs in this monstrous house. One by one, the tiny motion lights clicked on, and with each pass, a tear poured over my lashes.

When I finally made it to my quiet place to sulk in my thoughts, I glared at the early morning sun. I wanted the darkness to swallow me whole, even if only for a moment. I despised the bright view that stared back at me.

Clearly, the roof wasn’t what I needed right now.

I had wanted space, but once I got it, I realized that it wasn’t a good idea. I hadn’t been truly alone in weeks, and it felt wrong to wallow in my mistakes without some sort of company. As sour as my mood was, I was grateful when I was finally interrupted.

Jack stepped through the Void, tugging his shirt down with his left hand. He tried to straighten his messy hair with his right hand as he frantically glanced around the roof for me.

“What the fuck, Lo? What happened? Are you okay?”

His rapid-fire questions made me shake my head. My mind was foggy, dazed, and stuck in the front cart on a roller coaster. The track would loop around self-pity a few more times before it dropped off the angry with myself slope.

“Slow down,” I complained, taking a swig from my bottle.

He scrutinized me as he moved closer, his footsteps silent but unsteady against the rooftop patio. When he was within arm’s reach, he leaned down and swiped the tequila from my grasp.

“Why were you in pain? I thought I was fucking dying. It took me this long to settle down enough to figure out that it wasn’t me that was hurting.”

He dropped down beside me, using his index finger to turn my head in his direction. His voice softened as his ebony eyes searched my face.

“It was you. I’ve felt pain from you before, but nothing like that. Tell me what happened.”

“I killed my mate.”

He blinked several times, and I shrugged, hating the motion... But what else could I do to show that I didn’t understand a godsdamn thing that was going on?

“No sense in sugarcoating it,” I blabbered. “I killed Palmer. He’s fine now, by the way, but there was a moment where I didn’t know if I could fix him. And I can’t stop thinking about how it would have felt if I would have fucked up a lot, and not just a little. Had I not been able to seal our bond right after he—”

I closed my eyes, shaking my head as I focused on my fingers.

“I know what you’re going to ask. I don’t exactly know what to say. We were doing a spell, and I needed to use hellfire to burn the tracker off of him... and it killed him. Then I panicked. I was a sobbing fucking mess, Jack.”