Page 21 of One Merciful Moment

He turned to face her, shoulders tense, breath uneven. Cupping her face gently, so gently her heart skipped, he kissed her.

It was open, warm, tinged with desperation.

She kissed him back, her hands sliding up to his chest. Her body tingled, knowing what it was like to lie in his arms, to be held close. In a short amount of time, she'd come to crave the closeness he gave her.

He pulled back, breath ragged, and rested his forehead against hers. "I needed you."

She cupped his whiskered jaw. "Boone."

"I thought when you went back to the garden, you were choosing Everstill over me."

"No, I wasn't choosing anything over you." The rawness in his gaze tore through her. "I'm right here."

"I don't know how to do this." He scoffed. "It's hell living here, feeling all this. Scared out of my fucking head of losing you."

He was driving himself crazy. She couldn't imagine what it was like to go from numbness, where even the simplest joy didn't bring a smile, to suddenly feeling everything at once. How would she deal with that without being taught how?

His mental health was suffering.

"You're overwhelmed with feelings," she whispered.

He grabbed her upper arms and stood to his full height. "I'm not who you think I am."

Every instinct in her recoiled. She stepped back, and he let her go. Hugging her middle, she stared at him.

"What do you mean?"

"I spent years trying to shut myself down. Every kind of drug you could think of, I took. I was a full-blown addict and sold to others to keep my supply coming. I needed something to numb me. Anything that made me forget. I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to care." He looked at her, and Ashley felt the weight of everything he'd never said to anyone. "When Everstill took me, it gave me exactly what I wanted. No emotions. No memories. No pain. Just... quiet."

Ashley stepped closer, but Boone shook his head, needing to finish.

"I didn't ask for this," he said, low and shaking. "I didn't ask to feel anything again. I didn't ask for you."

Her heart hurt. This wasn't the Boone she knew.

Boone swallowed, choking on his frustrations. "It's too fucking much. It's all coming back." He looked away. "I don't know how to be this man. I don't know how to want someone." He glanced at her. "I don't know how to need someone without going insane."

She approached him and threw her arms around his waist, hugging his back. "You're not alone."

"I'm scared," he whispered.

"Of what?"

"Of losing you. Losing whatever this is inside me."

"Boone." She pressed her cheek against his back. "You're not going to lose me."

His shoulders sagged. She stepped around him, still holding on. His arms wrapped around her with a desperation that almost hurt.

Boone admitted to being an addict. But there weren't any drugs in Everstill. She could see how that made him feel safe. But everything was changing.

His weakness scared him.

But she could show him how strong he was.

"Feels like everything's changing," he said roughly.

"It is," she whispered. "But we're changing together."