Page 41 of Markets & Mooncakes

"I-I don't know." I swallow hard.

"Want to talk about it?"

I consider telling him no, but decide against it. I shuffle closer and put my head on his shoulder. "I think it's just intimidating. What if I don't like it?"

"Then we don't repeat it," he says.

"But would that be all right?"

"I love you for you, Evie. I don't love you because I want you to touch me, or I want to sleep with you."

"But you do?" I ask curiously.

He puts his free arm behind his head, and even in the dark, I can tell that he's thinking of the right way to answer. "Yes and no."

"That's not a helpful answer." I rest my hand on his chest, glad that he hasn't put his shirt back on.

"I know, I'm just collecting my thoughts," he says. "I think it's that yes, I would like to because I love you and it feels good. But no, because it's not worth it if it means that you're unhappy."

"I think I understand. But when you look at me, you feel like you want to?"

"It's not my first thought," he assures me.

"But you do think about it?"

"Sometimes. And unless you tell me you don't want me to, I'll be thinking about tonight next time I want to...you know."

"Touch yourself?"

He groans. "Yes, that."

"And would you think about touching me?" I ask curiously.

Nate clears his throat. "I think if you keep going down that road, I might end up back in the same position as started this conversation."

I frown. "You like the idea?"

"Yes, I like the idea of giving you pleasure," he says slowly.

"I...think I want you to touch me." I don't really know what to expect, even if I've done this before with other people. But that was only twice, and it was very uninspiring. It didn't feel like this. I can't even explain to myself what the feelings are, or what makes it different, but there's something in the way that Nate makes me feel.

"You need to tell me if you change your mind," he says.

"I will." I sit up in the bed and pull my nightdress over my head, feeling the cool air prick against my skin. He sits up too and touches my back, his hand smoothing over my skin and sending tingles down my spine.

I twist my head around and meet his lips, kissing him as I did before, deeply and full of something. Maybe this is the desire that people talk about. I certainly don't usually feel like this, but there's something different about it when he touches me. Probably because I'm anticipating it.

"Lie down," he whispers.

I nod and do as he suggests.

He leans over and captures my lips with his, kissing me while he runs a hand over my arm. I feel like I want to ask him to do something, but I'm not sure what it is.

He trails his hand inwards, brushing it against my breast and touching my nipple.

I let out a gasp in response, the sensation surprisingly nice and as if it sends desire down my body to between my legs. I'm not sure if that's something real, or if it's just in my head.

Nate repeats the motion, and I make the same noise again, unable to help it. I'm almost disappointed when he moves his hand lower, but not as much when I realise that he's intending for it to end up between my legs. I've never felt the true desire to have someone touch me there, but I feel it now. I want it now.