Page 49 of When Darkness Calls

There was a point when we were in early middle school, when Dani first began Kindergarten where we all argued and fought over who got to sit with her on the bus each day. There were many, many times I had been jealous of the others, usually Alex, who had won that round of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Or when she would get home from camp in those handful of summers when Liz had convinced her to go. I’d been jealous then of who she hugged first— aside from Cade—when she got back. It was never me, and each time it hurt a little more than the last.

But this time was different though. This felt…primal. Soul deep.

Maybe it’s because of all the extra time I’ve been spending with her, even when she doesn’t realize it. She’s been in my life for nineteen years, and I’m almost certain I’ve spent more time around her the last few weeks than I ever have before.

A hollow feeling settles in my chest. Nineteen years and I never missed a birthday. Until yesterday.

Shit.

Even if she falls in love with her gift, it can’t make up for how much I let her down last night. I planned out the whole damn thing to try to make the day a little better because I know without a single doubt Jennifer sunk her nails deep into all the dark places Dani’s insecurities hide.

I fucked up last night, but today I’ll do better. Today is the one that actually counts.

I remember the day she was born so vividly.

Cade had clambered onto the school bus, a nervous, excited energy rolling off of him as he recounted how early that morning his mom and dad had left for the hospital saying that he’d be meeting his little sister soon.

The school day dragged by so slowly, feeling infinitely longer than usual. And when our names were called for students being picked up, all five of us ran down the long hallway, out the side doors leading to the parking lot where Charles was waiting beside his car. Cade sprinted across the grass into his dad’s arms, happy tears already falling down his cheeks. We piled into the car, a little squished in the backseat, but none of us cared. She was finally here.

In complete opposition of how the day had previously been crawling by, in a blink we had arrived at Ashwood Regional Hospital. The cold halls winding and turning in a blurred maze of nervous excitement. And when Charles stepped forward to push open the door to Marlene’s room, my breath caught in my lungs.

“There’s my boys! How are my babies? Was school good today?” Marlene’s hushed, joyful greeting reached us, and I could breathe again. I glanced at Cade, then Nick and Alex, then Keegan. All of us were wearing matching grins.

Marlene huffed softly, rolling her eyes in a way that now, at twenty-six, feels so familiar, so like her daughter. “Well, come on. What’re you standing in the door for? Come give me a hug and meet the newest addition to your pack of hellions.” Her quiet laugh warms me.

Cade is the first to move, hurrying to the bedside, skidding to a halt to give her the gentlest hug imaginable.

“I missed you, Mommy. Are you okay?” He asks her arms still gripping her shoulders. Then he gasps, pushing back. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Her smile widens and she shakes her head, scooping him up into a tighter hug. “Never, baby. You could never hurt me.”

He sags against her, squeezing back, then wriggling out of her arms. “Where is Dani?” Cade looks around the bed as Charles nudges past me and Nick.

“She’s right over here in her bed. Dani’s too little to lay in the bed with Mommy, unless Mommy is holding her. Come here.” Charles holds out his hand for Cade and the two walk across the room to the cart against the wall.

“Are you four going to stand in the door all day, or are you going to come in and say hi?” Marlene quirked her brow at us. One by one the guys stalked forward to give her tentative hugs that she returned with a tight squeeze, until I was last.

My feet tip toe closer and closer to her bed. Her smile is soft, her light brown hair tied high on her head, loose pieces falling against her forehead, but she looked the same as she always did.

“You’re okay?” My question comes out as a whisper, concern lacing each letter as they spilled from my lips.

She nods slightly, patting the space on the bed beside her. “I’m perfect now that I have all my babies here with me.”

I climb on to the bed just as Cade does the same on the other side of Marlene. Her arm comes around me, tugging me into a side hug, as her other rests on Cade’s back. Charles inches closer, holding a bundled pink blanket cautiously in his arms.

“Be super careful, Cay. And watch her head. You have to be sure you’re holding her head well, okay?” Marlene’s voice is calm, gentle.

As the pink bundle is placed in Cade’s arms, I see her for the first time.

Short strands of dark hair lay across her forehead. Her eyes are closed, lips barely parted.

“She’s so small,” I mutter in awe. I’d never seen a baby before. Only the baby dolls at school that some of the girls in class would bring for play time. I just didn’t think they would look so much like her. “Like a baby doll.”

Charles and Marlene grin at each other, chuckling softly. Alex, Keegan, and Nick climb onto the bed with us, leaning closer to see Dani better in Cade’s arms.

She begins to stir, small sounds escaping her as she yawns. Marlene leans over and grabs her from Cade’s arms, settling her against her chest. Dani’s head is turned toward me and I keep watching her. The stirring stops almost immediately, but her body shifts with her breath as she sleeps so soundly, peacefully.