Page 86 of Changing Lanes

I frown, not sure I’m following.

“You’re a great guy and she’s missing out, not the other way around. I’m sorry she lost the chance to watch you become the amazing human you are today.”

Now I scoff. There’s no way she means that unless the alcohol is talking for her.

“I mean it, Beckett. I’ve watched you the last couple days. You’re funny with your friends, you’re generous with your employees, you’re fair to your customers, you’re a genius in the garage—you almost put Tysen to shame.”

It came out that Tysen being strapped for cash as a floating mechanic was the reason the Christensen brothers weren’t as overjoyed about the baby news as they could’ve been. He struggles finding steady, reliable work.

“You’re fiercely loyal and protective over Marc and Coty and even Angela. I see the way you follow her every move when she’s around, making sure nobody messes with her. You’ve taken such good care of me ever since I bashed my own forehead into a wall.”

Okay, now I know the booze is loosening her tongue. She’s been dodging my questions about her injury all along, until now.

Running my fingers up her sides, as innocently as I can, I ask, “Why did you do that by the way?”

She returns the side of her face to my chest and sighs. “My job can be dangerous, too, big guy.” That’s news to me. I thought she just took blood pressure and made beds maybe. “I can’t really talk about it but one of the residents had an episode and became aggressive. I did what I needed to in order to avoid anyone else getting hurt.”

Her mom. I’d bet last month’s paycheck her mom was at risk. You can tell she’d do anything for her mom, even bloody up her own face.

Where have I heard that before?

I squeeze my eyes shut on an exhale.

“Anyway, I understand where you’re coming from. My mom’s been missing for over a year and I’ll never get her back fully.”

My eyes pop open.

“At least your mom is within reach. I couldn’t get to mine with the best GPS in the world.”

“Within reach?” Paige releases a humorless laugh. “Have you ever tried to pick up sand and end up watching it slip through your fingers? That’s what having a loved one with Alzheimer’s is really like. The biggest tease of all. The mindfuck to top all mindfucks. You can see, touch, talk to, and even hear them but it’s like doing it as a fucking ghost. They can’t see you for you, they can’t talk to you like they used to, their touch is cold and distant, they hear you without really listening. So, where GPS could find your mom, mine is hidden in plain sight where nothing and no one will ever get to her again.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Excuse me?”

She jerks up to look at me again.

“You’re wrong. At least about one thing. Your mom can feel you, maybe without knowing who you are but she can feel how good of a person you are. She can feel your love even if she doesn’t know what kind it is or why it is. If you believe in one thing, believe that her love for you is stronger than any disease ever could be and return that back to her. Love her the only way you can because that means more than anything else on this planet. The love between a parent and child is the most important kind there is and when it’s gone, that’s it. It can never be replaced. Not by friends, not by anyone. You can choose your family, sure, but you never really recover from that kind of loss.” I know I haven’t. “It goes too deep to fix.”

With a frown marring her otherwise serene face, she leans down to brush my lips with a quick, gentle kiss. It’s the first real kiss we’ve shared since our first a few days ago and it wakes an insatiable hunger for more.

“You are loved, Beckett.” Every muscle locks beneath hers. “Everyone around you loves you. I see it whenever you walk into a room. Everybody is drawn to you and your bigger than life energy. You’re like a magnet, attracting everyone in the vicinity. Losing a parent’s love is one of the worst feelings imaginable, we can both attest to that, but in your case your mom is the real loser. Don’t let her take your happiness along with her.”

My eyes search hers. What about her happiness? She’s given up everything for her mom. How is that fair? How is she better off than me?

“Do you regret giving up your own place? I heard what you told your brothers. Do you like living here?”

Something flashes in her eyes that I can’t make out before it’s gone completely as she takes in the mostly dark room. Her gaze lingers on the new light I bought then she lowers her head, relaxing once again before promptly passing out on top of my ribs and pressing into my heart in more ways than one.

Nobody’s ever said those things to me. Nobody’s ever shown me another perspective to the problem I’ve been fixated on since I was a boy. I never thought of my mom as the one suffering from being without me, I was too focused on painting her as the villain. Even if what she did was wrong, she’s still going to miss out on all the big moments in my life. The day I finally tie the knot, the day my children are born—hopefully all boys, although a little girl with dark waves surprisingly comes to mind, too—and everything in between. Also the shit I’ve never thought about mattering to anyone other than me, things like landing a jump on my dirt bike for the first time, or creating a job I’ve always wanted, or falling in love with the girl of my dreams…whenever that time may come.

Regardless of how perfect Paige feels in my arms, I still have errands to run. So after several minutes of letting the girl rest, I lift her up and carry her down the hall, hesitating between the two doorways.

To the right is my room, and to the left, Paige’s.

I should put her in hers. Let her wake up in her own bed after such an emotional day. She only gets into mine after a few too many drinks but right now I’m sober and can do the right thing. I also don’t know how much sleep I’ll be getting tonight and don’t want to bother her when I get back.

But then why can’t I make myself go left?