Page 99 of Risky Play

My irrational brain was speaking before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

“Until you decide that you actually give a shit about us, I’m done. When you’re ready to be an adult and tell your brother about us, maybe I’ll still be waiting.”

“What?”

I didn’t let her get another word in and stormed out.

I wasn’t sure giving her an ultimatum was the best course of action, but something had to happen. We couldn’t keep going in circles with this argument. I couldn’t stand that every single day, I looked her brother in the eyes and lied to him.

I ordered another car and waited impatiently in the frosty November night for it to take me back to Old City. I didn’t feel good about what happened. Not one bit. I didn’t want to break up, but what was the solution? If she didn’t want to tell her brother, there wasn’t a point in continuing this relationship. That didn’t stop the way my heart felt like a heavy lump in my chest.

After what felt like forever, a car pulled up, and I got inside. I was pensive on the drive back to Noah and Dinah’s. By the time I got back, I went into the basement, through the garage, and stomped into my bedroom.

I flopped down on my bed, and I looked up at the ceiling.

I made a mistake, but I couldn’t take it back now.

No matter how much my brain told my heart we did the right thing, my heart felt like it had been split in two. If she loved me, she’d come to her senses. And if she didn’t, then it was better we ended it here.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

MADDIE

Because I love you, and I hate the fact that I don’t get to tell anyone that.

I love you, Madison. God, I fucking love you, and I know it’s too fucking early to drop that on you, but that’s why I can’t keep doing this.

It had been a week since Matt dropped his ultimatum on me, but my brain kept playing back his admittance of love. Why hadn’t I said anything? I had been so startled at the confession that it jumbled my brain. Then he broke up with me. I hadn’t heard from him since that night, and each time I tried to reach out to him, I froze up.

I had been avoiding going to my brother’s. I told Dinah I was busy with school and asked her to cut down on my workload. I tried to bury myself in school and hockey, but everyone on my team saw that something was off with my game. Especially tonight.

“KENNEDY!” Elsa shouted at me from across the ice, pulling me from my distracted thoughts.

I shook my head but realized I fucked up by dropping the pass, and our opponent got possession of the puck. My head had not been in the game lately, and it showed.

I hustled through the play and went back to the bench for the change-up. I didn’t look at my teammates, already knowing they weren’t happy with me. I was like a robot on the ice for the rest of the game.

We ended up losing 3-1, and Elsa was pissed. Ice Queen was in full force tonight, and I didn’t care. I stripped out of my gear and changed into gym clothes so I could shower in my more comfortable bathroom at my dorm.

I left in a huff, not bothering to even give my teammates any sympathetic looks as I walked out. Coach would probably call me into his office to ask me what was wrong with me soon. Not looking forward to that conversation.

It was cold on the walk home, and I wished the skating rink wasn’t such a far walk, but my car was still back home in Winnipeg. I was debating bringing it to campus after I went home for break. Parking was a nightmare in the city, and with public transportation and access to my brother’s rideshare account, I could manage without. I had been avoiding using Noah’s account, though, because that would lead to questions about what was going on with me.

I was trying so hard not to think about Matt, but he filled my brain every second of every day. I was so scared of what Noah would do to him. If I expressed my fears, maybe he would have listened to me and agreed to hold out longer.

Almost getting caught on Thanksgiving had been a wake-up call. Matt was right; we couldn’t keep doing this. I had two choices—continue to be miserable without him, or tell my brother and hope he didn’t murder my boyfriend.

I missed the way he held me in his arms, or how he purred ‘sweet pea’ at me, or even how he smiled at me when he watched me work. I missed everything about him, and I hated that I didn’t tell him I loved him back. Because I did. I loved him with every fiber of my being, but I was too scared to tell him.

I tried to press the thoughts to the forgotten part of my brain, but they kept nagging me. They continued to nag me when I got inside my suite and while I showered. They didn’t let me concentrate when I crawled into bed with a spicy romance book. Especially when I realized it was one of the ones Matt had bought me the day he took me to the bookstore.

There was a knock on my bedroom door, and I looked up to see Ari’s colorful head pop in. Then Kiira’s blonde head peeked over, too, with Elsa coming up behind her.

What the fuck?

I wiped my eyes and sat up in my bed. “Um, hi?”

“You looked like shit on the ice tonight,” Elsa said coldly.