Page 84 of Trial and Error

“Elias,” I whisper as I press a soft kiss in the middle of his back. “Eli…I…”

He says nothing, and I sigh.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

Elias turns around, his face mere inches away from mine as he looks at me. In the moonlight, I can see his face is pulled into a frown and I reach up and smooth out the lines between his brows. “You have nothing to apologize for, Bridget, I stepped out of line. I should never⁠—”

Leaning up, I press my lips to his and sigh as the muscles in his shoulders loosen up. “I choked up,” I say against his lips.

His hand moves from his side and up to the dip of my waist. “I overstepped.”

I go to reply but Elias shakes his head and pulls me into his chest. I want to tell him how I feel but don’t know how I’d even tell him without it sounding like I’m saying it for the sake of it.

One of his hands rests at the bottom of my back while his other cups the back of my neck as he presses a gentle kiss against my temple. I sigh into his embrace, my face resting in the crook of his neck and my arms tucked between the two of us.

Lying with him while the moonlight dances along our skin brings me so much peace—peace I’ve never felt with another person before, and it makes me feel safe. Secure. Elias embodies a calm energy, and everything about him is like a body of water on a summer day, gentle waves lapping against the shore, its movements fluid, strong yet soft and he is that steadiness that I want.

The hand that was at the back of my neck moves into my hair, and I let out a soft moan as the pads of his fingers press firmly into my scalp. I feel him smile against my temple and I relax into his embrace.

“You’re it for me, Elias,” I whisper sleepily against his neck and his hand stills. “In every humanly way possible.”

“You’re it for me, too,” he whispers back, and we fall asleep in each others’ arms.

We leave Nelson mid-morning on Sunday. Everyone is already up and about by the time Elias and I roll out of bed after a lazy morning tangled up together. Last night was an emotional one, but as we say goodbye to his family, my head feels the clearest it has been in weeks.

The atmosphere in the car is completely different from last night, and as we lace our hands together and rest them in my lap I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my lips.

Elias seems brighter this morning, but not fully himself. I can see the self-doubt and the worry from the tight lines at the corners of his eyes, but he says nothing as he rubs my knuckles with his thumb.

We need to talk about last night, even if he doesn’t want to. I want him to know he’s not alone with his feelings and that I feel the same as him. Elias deserves to be seen just as much as me, and I am ready to show him that I want to be the person that is worthy of him—the person that gets to love him wholeheartedly.

It’s not long until we’re passing the Briarwood sign on the side of the road and pulling up to my apartment. Elias helps me take my things upstairs and comes inside, taking my bags to my room and putting them on my bed. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he ventures back into my living room and looks over at me on the couch.

I pat the space beside me. “Come sit with me?”

Elias walks over and perches on the edge of the couch. “Is everything okay?”

I shift closer to him and take his hands in my own. We both look down at the way his hands engulf mine and I give them a squeeze. “I want to talk…about last night.” Elias starts to shake his head, but I cut in. “Please, just let me say what I need to.”

Deep brown eyes meet my own and he slowly nods as he gives my hands a gentle, yet encouraging, squeeze. “First of all, I want to apologize for not saying anything last night and for how I reacted. It’s not how I should’ve and I’m sorry for that. I know you told me not to worry about it, but I do because I can’t let you think for even a second that I don’t feel the same way.”

I take a deep breath before continuing. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a person and I’m beyond lucky to have someone as special as you in my life, but you have to understand this isn’t how I saw it going for me. I feel like I’m grieving the life I thought I would’ve had—grieving the way I pictured falling in love and meeting the love of my life.”

Elias frowns, and I copy his expression.

“I’m not explaining this very well,” I say softly. “Elias, I love you, and while this isn’t how I wanted it to happen, I’m not upset. Because if I hadn’t met you the way I did or when I did, I don’t think I’d have you now. I’m coming to terms with the fact that this is just how it’s meant to be for me, and that’s okay. I’m okay with knowing that, no, we didn’t meet in the most traditional way, but we wouldn’t be where we are now if we had, and I certainly wouldn’t be telling you I love you if it didn’t end up like this.”

He frowns but it disappears when I reach up to cup his cheek in my hand, brushing my thumb over his cheekbone. “I want you to feel secure in me—in us—and I want you to feel like the most important person, because that’s what you are to me. You’re my favourite person and I love yo⁠—”

Elias’s lips are on mine before I can finish what I’m saying. I can feel the love in every stroke of his tongue, in every sigh, and in the way he rests his forehead against mine and threads his fingers through my hair.

When he pulls his lips from mine, he’s just as breathless as me. “You love me?”

“So much.” My voice is shaky and so are my hands as my fingers rub over his beard, loving the feel of it scratching against my skin. “More than I’ve loved anyone.”

He lifts his hands to my face, thumbs brushing over my cheekbones as he presses a small kiss on my cupid’s bow. “I love you,” he whispers as he continues to kiss my face. “I love your lips.” A kiss to my brow bone. “I love your eyes. God, I love everything about you.”

Elias continues to kiss every inch of bare skin as he pulls me into his lap. His kisses are soft and gentle, and nothing like the frenzied kisses we shared this morning. Nipping and licking at the skin, he moves across my collarbones and hums into the crook of my neck, his hands gripping my sides tightly.