Page 83 of Trial and Error

“I’ve never had someone look at me the way you do, Elias. I’ve never had someone treat me with such respect or affection. I’m so used to just being looked at or glanced over, but it’s like no one ever really sees me.”

Hearing the sadness lacing her tone has me frowning and my chest tightening, her eyes drop down to the table and where our hands meet. “I see you,” I say quietly and her gaze lifts. “I fucking see you. I see how kind and warm-hearted you are, how affectionate and generous you are with people you care about. Bridget, you mean the world to me, and I don’t know how else to show you how much I care about you or how much I lo⁠—”

The waiter stops at the edge of the table with our meals and sets them on the table. Bridget sits across from me with a parted mouth and wide eyes, staring at me in shock. She knows what words sit on the tip of my tongue just as much as I do. She pulls her hand back and smiles tightly at the waiter, who can’t read a room to save his life, and the two of us sit in silence as he looks between us before turning away.

Bridget looks down at her food and twists the plate around in a full circle. She clears her throat and reaches up for more wine and takes a large gulp. “This looks…” Bridget trails off and clears her throat. “Lovely.”

“Bridget…” She looks up at me with an uneasy look, and I sigh. “You’re right, the food looks great.”

Oscar and I are sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen in silence.

The rest of dinner felt awkward, and we left quickly after we ate. Bridget barely said more than two words to me in the car, and as soon as we walked into the house, she went straight upstairs and shut herself in our room.

Oscar and Isobel are in the kitchen when I walk in, sulking like a teenager. They watch in silence as I grab a glass from the cupboard and pour myself a double shot of whiskey.

Neither of them speak as I sit myself down at the table and rest my head in my hands. Isobel pats my shoulder and walks out of the kitchen. Oscar sits down beside me, and I hear one of the bedroom doors open and close. I let out a deep sigh and rub the heel of my hands against my eyes.

“Want to talk about it?” Oscar asks.

I hesitate. “I love her.”

My brother chuckles. “Yes, that is painstakingly obvious.”

“I nearly let it slip,” I tell him. “I was about to tell her, and then the waiter came over with our food and it ruined my flow, and I don’t think she was expecting it…and then it was just so fucking awkward. She looked at me like she had no idea what to say, and, fuck, I should’ve said something, but…”

Oscar wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him. “It’ll sort itself out, you know. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, and trust me, she feels the same. Maybe she just needs some time? Listen, things are different for you guys. You didn’t just meet in a bar or on an app, you met in a really unconventional way, and while this fake relationship has made both of you realize you have feelings for one another—it’s still fake.”

“You think she thinks I’m saying it for the sake of it?”

My brother shrugs. “I can’t know for sure, but it seems like it could be a possibility. I think you just need to talk to her and see how she feels.”

“What if she doesn’t feel the same?”

Oscar doesn’t say anything. He watches as I lift the tumbler to my lips and take a long sip of the whiskey I poured myself.

“It would suck,” he finally says. “But you’ll get through it. Like you always do.”

bridget

I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling. It’s past eleven o’clock and there’s still no sign of Elias.

Isobel came up to check on me when we got in, and after a failed attempt at trying to convince her I was fine, she sat at the end of the bed until I finally told her. She listened and spoke at the right time, but never rushed me or made me to feel a certain way. We sat on the bed for no longer than half an hour before I declared I was tired, and she left me to wallow on my own.

Elias was going to tell me he loved me.

“I fucking see you,” he said, and I just sat there like an idiot, listening as he tried to tell me he loved me, but that damn waiter interrupted. I know my shock was plastered on my face and I couldn’t find the words to reply, so I sat there in silence, opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water.

He looked so deflated, so sad, that I was at a loss for words. We ate in silence and as each moment passed, I could see him sinking into himself, his guard going up by the second.

I wanted to tell him that I felt the same, but I couldn’t get the words out. Not at the restaurant, not in the car, and not when we arrived back at the house. As soon as we walked inside, he closed the door behind us and took his jacket off, and I took that as my cue to leave, bolting up the stairs as fast as I could.

As I lie here in the bed we shared so passionately last night, I listen out for any sign of him coming to bed. Oscar came upstairs an hour or so ago, and I was hoping that Elias would follow soon after, but he hasn’t. I debate getting up, just as I hear his footsteps near the bedroom. He stops outside the door, and I hear a faint sigh, before the doorknob twists and the door opens.

Elias steps into the room quietly and the atmosphere changes. He’s quiet as he moves around the room as he shrugs off his jacket and hangs it on the hook on the back of the door. A cool air wraps around me as Elias pulls back the comforter.

The warmth from his body sends a prickly sensation over my skin. Elias twists and turns, letting out a huff, before turning on his side with his back toward me. I know he’s not asleep from the way he’s breathing, so I turn over to face him, the spread of soft skin on his back coming into view.

He tenses, as if he can sense my gaze on him but he says nothing. This man laid his feelings out for me on the table earlier, and I choked. Without hesitating, I shift toward him and wrap an arm around his waist.