Page 36 of While I’m Still Here

I place my phone face-down on the table.

Silence.

Colin lifts his tea while I stare at him. “Everyone knew?”

He grimaces over the rim. “Apparently.”

“You absolute fucking idiot.”

“Seven years suddenly feels considerably longer.”

“It should.”

My phone buzzes, and I reluctantly turn it over.

MUM

I love you. Please call me later. And tell Colin I'm glad he's there. xxx

My throat tightens. Then another message arrives.

MUM

Also, please use protection.

I slam the phone face-down. Across the table, Colin’s shoulders start shaking. “Don’t.” I point my finger at him again.

His hand goes up in mock surrender, but he never lets go of mine with the other. “I haven’t said anything.”

“I have cancer. You are legally prohibited from laughing at me,” I tell him, which of course makes him laugh again.

“I don’t think that’s a real law, Bea.”

“It fucking should be.”

At nine seventeen, I look at the clock.

“Fuck.”

Colin looks up. “What?”

“Work.”

“You're going?”

“Yes.”

“Today?”

“Yes, Colin. That's generally how employment works.”

I push my chair back and stand.

He doesn't move. “Bea.”

There it is.

Concern.