Page 62 of Scoring Lessons

I gave her a quick nod, because…yeah, I understood more than she could ever know. For me, casual sex was good to take the edge off, but exploring things was a whole different ball game.

“Then don’t,” I said quietly before I could stop myself. My heart slammed against my chest, every beat sharper than the last.

You fucking idiot. What the hell are you doing? my brain all but shouted.

“Don’t what?” she asked, just as quietly.

“Don’t do the list with a stranger.” My voice was a husky whisper. I was afraid of speaking any louder, of shattering the moment into nothingness.

Her throat bobbed as she nodded. “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t be doing it at all. It was a stupid idea.”

“No, I mean—” My throat hurt as I took a big gulp, trying to form the words. Every nerve ending tightened, like they were bracing for impact.

Her whole body tensed. “What are you saying?” She said the words carefully, like part of her knew we were about to cross a dangerous line.

Was she going to make me say it out loud? Fuck.

“You trust me, right?” I asked instead. My heart stammered as a thick, heavy silence fell between us. Maybe I’d read the situation wrong. Maybe she was only placating me because of the shitty season I’d been having, and she didn’t trust me at all. Or even like me, for that matter.

“Strangely, I do,” she finally said.

I kept the sigh of relief that wanted to escape my lips in check. “Use me, then.”

She reared back, her lips parting in surprise. “What?”

“You heard me,” I rasped, my eyes settling on her mouth, wondering if her plush lips tasted as good as they looked.

“Just like that?” Her eyes sparkled with interest, but her tone was filled with skepticism.

I took another hard gulp, hoping to ease the dryness of my throat. “Just like that, Livvie girl.”

“I don’t know,” she said through a shaky breath. “Doesn’t that seem like a recipe for disaster?”

I shrugged. “Only if we let it be. We’re both adults. We know what we’re getting into.”

“This is insane,” she said under her breath. But there was no denying how interested she was in this.

“Is it?” In my mind, it made perfect sense. And that alone should have been scary.

“We’ll need rules,” she blurted.

I stifled a laugh. “Okay.”

“I—” She furrowed her brows, trying to come up with something. “I guess the only rule I can come up with is no kissing.”

My hope deflated in an instant, but I tried to remain as casual as ever. “Why not?”

“It’ll complicate things.”

I barked a laugh. “We’re going to be having sex.”

“But it’s only transactional,” she challenged as she sat on the bed with her legs crossed and faced me. “Kissing feels…” She pursed her lips, trying to find the right word.

“Intimate?” I prompted as I flexed my hands to keep myself in check because I wanted nothing more than to reach for her and consume her despite her dumb kissing rule.

“Exactly,” she sighed. “And I’m not ready for something like that.”

I almost slipped and let my shoulders slump in defeat, but I only nodded instead. It made sense. We didn’t need to complicate something that was already muddy and gray and had the word messy painted all over it.