Page 11 of Day Break

The only sound was that of the insects buzzing around my spot.

I didn’t mind bugs. I never had. I knew that most women hated spiders or crawling things. I didn’t.

I had only ever been afraid of one thing in my life, but I was free of him.

“Beat, happy stars, timing with things below, Beat with my heart more blest than heart can tell, Blest, but for some dark undercurrent woe.”

I played Tennyson’s words over and over in my head as I counted the stars in the clear night sky until I fell asleep.

I woke with a jolt as a wet tongue ran across my face. I almost screamed, but then the dog’s happy bark caused me to relax.

I sat up, and the curly haired yellow lab mix took my move as a hint and sat directly in my lap as it continued to lick my face.

Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I couldn’t help but laugh as I was happily assaulted by pure, unconditional love.

I held onto its soft fur, not knowing when my tears had started to fall from my eyes. I buried my face in its soft fur and held on as every last drop of emotion that I’d held locked inside poured free.

When I was done, the dog gave me one last kiss before jumping off my lap and running away.

I hugged my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth as I watched the sunlight dance off the water.

In that moment, I changed my mind. I no longer wanted a rooster to wake me each morning. I now desired dog kisses as my alarm clock.

Hearing some rustling sounds behind me in the grass, I glanced over and saw the dog return. In its mouth was what looked like a bright green ball. It moved towards me and then sat by my side. When it dropped the item into my lap, I stared in amazement at a small green apple.

Since it was early spring, I doubted the thing would be ripe enough to enjoy. My stomach growled loudly, causing the dog to tilt its head and look at me.

When I didn’t pick up the apple, he nudged it with his nose several times.

Smiling, I lifted it up, wiped it on my sleeve, and bit into it. It was sweet and quite possibly the most perfect thing I’d eaten in my entire life.

“Thank you,” I said to the dog once I was done eating it. I gave him the core, and he gobbled it up as if it was the best treat in the world. Then he turned and disappeared once more.

Standing, I stretched my arms over my head and eyed the water. I knew it would be cold. Yet, the part of me that screamed to be clean won out, and I took my things down the steep hill and started pulling off the layers I’d pulled on the night before.

When I stepped into the water wearing only the cotton bra and underwear I’d been given, I shivered once before diving headfirst into the crisp cold water.

As with the apple, the water felt better than all the showers I’d had on the inside. I untangled my long hair from the braid and used my short fingernails to scrub my scalp clean.

I had a small comb in my bag, the kind that men typically used. It would take me an hour or two to remove all the tangles, but I didn’t care. I had plenty of time.

When I climbed out of the water, the sun was high above me. I lay down on the soft grass, letting its rays warm and dry me.

For the first time in years, I was happy.

That inner voice I’d grown to fear no longer screamed at me. I didn’t have to fight to fake it. I might starve tomorrow, but today I took the small joy I had.

After a short walk in either direction of my hidden spot, I decided to spend the night there again. I wished for another apple but hadn’t found any trees nearby.

Had the dog found the green apple from a tree close by? He hadn’t been gone long, but when I looked, I hadn’t seen any apple trees. Then again, I wasn’t sure what an apple tree even looked like.

I assumed it would be full of green apples that looked like the one I’d had. I did find a bush with sharp pointy dark green leaves that had red berries on it. But when I tasted one, it was bitter, and I spit it out for fear it was poisonous.

What I really wanted was some water. I tried to sip the water that I had jumped into, but it had a funny taste, and I was reminded about a book I’d read once about toxins from big pharma companies being drained into the waterways.

Instead, I popped a button off my jacket and sucked on it to stimulate saliva. That got rid of most of my thirst. It would do, at least for a while.

Tomorrow, I’d figure something else out.