Page 36 of The Christmas Mistake

I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad.

But something in that moment at the bar was holding me back, something made me pull away from her gorgeous sweet lips. The memory of last Christmas. How all year I’ve suppressed how I’d felt when I walked out of her warm bed and into the frosty early morning air after our shared night last December. I realize now that I didn’t want to leave her a year ago. I did not want to spend the next year locked into stupid childish office games with her.

I just wanted her, but instead, I stupidly walked out of her door and therefore immediately put an end to anything developing further. What a fool I was.

What happened last night was that the moment her lips touched mine I realized I’ve been wanting to kiss her ever since I walked out of her house one year ago.

And now, because of my impulsive boneheadedness at the bar, I have completely ruined the one chance I’ve had with Chastity Wilde. She walked out of those doors with incredible speed after I’d pulled away from her cute bold kiss like I was a contagious disease she didn’t want to catch, and deservedly so. I would’ve done the same if I was in her shoes.

Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas, you really are such a goddamn fool.

I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I wait all night like a robot until it’s morning and it’s time to drive back downtown. Back to the mall. Back to face a scorned Chastity.

I pull into the parking lot, and I immediately see her car. Alright, so I am looking for it. I breathe a sigh of relief when I notice her vehicle sitting there at the shopping mall. At least I get to see her today. At least she’s still in my life somehow.

I head straight to the grotto. Chastity is already there, chatting small talk with Annie. She doesn’t register me when I walk in with a grunt of a hello. No reply at all. She’s giving me the silent treatment just like I gave her yesterday.

Why are we so damn awkward with each other? Why don’t we just say what we truly feel?

Annie goes through the day’s events with both of us. I sneak glances at Chastity. She doesn’t look back.

If I somehow don’t already, I now feel like a total idiot.

I just wish I could go back in time and redo last night. I wish that above everything. Tell my past self to just, in the words of the Little Mermaid, kiss the girl.

I don’t know why, at the bar, I told her about my parents. I don’t usually tell people that personal stuff from my past. It usually makes them pity me, and that’s the last thing I want people to think about me as. The sad little orphan boy. Well, I’m not that. I’ve worked so damn hard not to be that.

But Chastity didn’t treat me like that when I told her my tragedy. Instead, she listened. That’s all I could ever ask of her. It’s more than most people ever do.

I’m such an idiot to throw her kiss away.

She’s what I want. All that I want for Christmas. But now I’m worried it’s too late.

We get changed into our silly costumes in silence. And then take our positions at the grotto without a word.

And then we go through the day’s work with fake enthusiasm. I can’t stop stealing looks at her throughout the day. That elf costume is super revealing. It takes a lot of willpower not to gawp at her sexy ass in that skintight outfit.

Man, the things I could do to her in that thing…

All I think about is her.

The day ends, and we get changed to leave. And, in the middle of trying to get myself out of this ridiculous Santa costume, I come up with another brilliant plan.

Ask her out. Again.

But this time make it a proper date. And this time I better kiss her the way she deserves to be kissed.

I manage to wriggle my way out of the Santa outfit and turn around to ask Chastity out.

But she’s no longer in the grotto. She’s gone.

17

NICHOLAS

I push my bedsheets off me with a start. It’s like they’re burning me. I’m sweating. Hot.

That shouldn’t be the case. It’s mid-December. By all accounts, I should be cold. Begging for summer to return.