Page 65 of Offside

“I love you, too!” I forced out quickly, tensing up. “I’m sorry–I said it in my head–I swear–”

Landon just started laughing, forcing me out of him. “I believe you,” he laughed, wrapping his arms round my head and pulling me back into his chest.

He settled for a moment, breathing slowly and kissing the top of my head a few times. I couldn’t explain why it suddenly felt sad, but I knew I didn’t like it–I liked being that close to him and all over him, but not the weird sad cloud around it.

“Are you about to dump me?” I mumbled into his damp skin, wiggling my head free enough to look up at him.

And I wished I hadn’t–his blank face did not help the sad aura in the room.

“No,” he said quickly, still avoiding looking down at me and not seeming any happier. “I just…”

His eyes fell shut again, and he let out a slow breath–he was scared again, but why?

What did I do in the last thirty seconds that scared him?

“I’m…I already told Banning, and he said he’s cool–he’ll back me–and you–I assume,” he rambled out nervously, his eyes staying shut. “I’m cool about coming out, but just… Would it be okay if I waited until after the playoffs?”

He finally opened his eyes, locking them back on me and scanning my face like he was worried about my reaction. “I just want to be able to do it and then disappear for a while,” he fumbled out, his legs starting to shake.

“Lando, you don’t have to come out if you don't want to,” I said slowly.

He shook his head, averted his eyes from me, and went a little stiff under me again. “You brought it up–as Metal–and I get it,” he sighed, shifting out from under me–very much against my wishes–to sit up with me in bed. “I wouldn’t want to be hidden away like you were ashamed of me either–”

“I don’t think that,” I said quickly, nervously moving a little closer to him like I wanted to just crawl into his lap. “I’m sorry I said anything about it, but…”

“Lando, I don’t really want to come out either.”

Landon went still, cocking an eyebrow at me. I couldn’t fight the weird urge anymore, crawling into his lap and settling there with my arms tied around his neck. He was surprised at first, but kicked into gear quickly, hugging me against him and resting his forehead on my shoulder while I curled into him.

Being around people–even my own family– never felt relaxing. I never felt better in someone's presence, but with Landon?

The warm, burning wood smell was relaxing every frayed nerve I had in my whole body at once.

“I’m not sure if I ever want to come out publicly, but definitely not when I don’t even know what I am,” I mumbled into his neck, toying with the short hair on the back of his head–as soft as I always thought it would be. “I’m definitely not straight, but I’m not gay either, and bisexual doesn’t feel right either, so.”

“I want to tell my family, but that kind of…it.”

Landon let out a shaky, relieved breath, hugging me a little tighter. “I’m not ashamed of you,” he breathed out, placing a few kisses on my shoulder. “I will proudly tell my family all about you…but I don’t want to find out what everyone else knowing would be like–”

“I’m cool with that,” I chuckled, kissing the side of his head quickly before pulling back just a few inches–enough to see his pretty face. “I mean–Ash and Thayer already know, but I’m cool with that being it. I’m not really friends with anyone else, so them knowing weirdly feels like a privacy violation.”

“I agree,” he mused, kissing the tip of my nose. “You ready for a shower and nap?”

There was something so nice about feeling so seen–so loved. I had a routine for after Knight, and I would do stuff together, and almost every time I would shower and take a long nap.

Now, Landon was making sure I got both those things.

He carefully helped me up, mindful of the brace on my ankle when he picked me up and carried me to my bathroom. I couldn’t lie–I sort of loved being carried around like this by him, and I loved how gentle he was being with me.

After slowly and gently removing the brace, he carried me into the shower and carefully set me down on my feet. His hand stayed locked around me, making sure not all my weight was being held up by my bum foot.

It felt like a bad time to tell him most of my hobbling around these days was simply because walking with a brace was weird–my ankle actually felt pretty okay.

But at the same time, I’d just promised not to lie to him anymore.

“My ankle is fine,” I sighed reluctantly, lowering fully onto both feet to prove I could, in fact, stand on my own. “No pain or anything when I stand–can’t run or anything, but standing is fine.”

“Okay?” he asked, turning away from me to grab my soap and start running the suds over my chest.