Page 67 of Escape from the Green

"You can pay me however much a bag of those almonds costs. Give me an excuse to head into the human realm every now and again."

That seemed more than fair.

It only cost a few dollars for the almonds. From what I understood - loosely - of human money, it was very little. And Amy had thousands of human dollars that would be mostly useless to her except to trade with those who knew how the human realm worked, and were willing to step over into it every now and again.

"You got a deal," I agreed, nodding. "I think it will help," I added. "Letting her keep some of her old connections. Even if she can't see them, just to be able to know what was going on with their lives might help her feel more comfortable."

"I'm happy to help."

He meant that, too.

I wasn't sure if it was simply true of his kind - as it was true of my kind that we tried to be non-violent whenever possible - but Sal was very giving, very easy-going.

"You're going to try to give her the almonds, aren't you?" I asked, making him let out a snort.

"I think I am going to suddenly become very bad at cards," he told me, smirking. "That way, she can win them. Sort of. Without feeling like her pride needs to take a hit. The stubborn ass woman."

"You ever going to give up on her?"

"Would you give up on Amy?" he shot back, having a point. "I know it looks different from the outside. Amy is small, soft, sheltered. You feel like she needs you. And Smoky couldn't seem more different if she tried. She's strong, hardened, has been through everything. But she needs me too. Whether she'd admit that or not. She needs connections, even if she is too stubborn to forge them. She needs to have a place to go."

"Your family," I guessed.

"That, yes. But also just me. When life gets too hard, too ugly, she likes to come to me. For a little comfort of sorts, some warmth. I figure if she gets used to it enough, she won't fight it so hard. She'll settle into it."

"And you're willing to wait for that? For years? Decades?"

To that, he sucked in a deep breath, holding it, exhaling on what was eerily similar to a sigh.

"It's not like my life is on standstill waiting for her," he told me, shrugging. "I have a family, brothers and sisters, dozens of nieces and nephews. I have a community. I have bonds and work and interests. Life goes on even when she takes off in the morning hours right before sun-up, thinking she is sneaking out on me, that I wasn't awake, aware she was going to leave me, not to be seen or heard from for half a year. I don't pine. But I wait."

"Why her?" I asked. "You could have your pick, I'd think." He was charming, good-looking, funny, attentive. All things women in his own tribe would fall over themselves to get to claim as their own.

He shook his head as he watched Smoky throw her head back, letting out a rich, throaty laugh at something Amy said.

"See that?" he asked, smiling a little. "If you'd known what she's been through, you would understand how beautiful that is. That she is still even capable of that. That while she has let life give her a shell, walls, shields, she has them to protect what is inside. Because it's all soft in there, man. Gooey, even. She hasn't let things harden her, just used them to build a protective barrier so nothing can get inside and cause any more damage. I've known a lot of women," he went on. "Believe me, I've had my choice many times over. Or so I thought. I could have chosen one of them, settled down, started my own family. It would have been easy. But I don't want easy. I want her. Hard and complicated and bitter, clawed and barbed. I want the woman who was raised by the woods to realize she can find home in me. That's what I want. And, I think, that is worth waiting for. Just like you," he told me, giving me a smirk, "will wait for your sunflower until she realizes your ass has been pining for her all those lonely days in chains."

"I never..." I started.

"Oh, please," he cut me off, chuckling. "Like it needed to be said. I have eyes, Draca. I see the way you look at her. And not just because she saved you. That's not gratitude you are feeling, no matter how much you are trying to convince yourself of that. That is want, plain and simple. And look how the stars have aligned to give you what you have been longing for. You got a lifetime to prove to her that she wants you too."

With that, he charged up, throwing his arms around both women's shoulders.

If I hadn't been watching so closely, I would have missed it. The way Smoky's body melted into his for a moment before she stiffened and yanked away.

Amy's head swiveled, giving me an uneven smile, her eyes uncertain, but amused.

Sal wasn't wrong.

I wanted her.

I'd wanted her in a forbidden way, from a distance, when I was a slave and she the daughter of my master.

It was something I had always convinced myself had been purely biological.

There weren't many women around, and even fewer ones who were beautiful. Inside and out.

I was a man.