Page 34 of Jealous Guy

I glance over and find him looking at me like he’s waiting for me to say something. His eyes are big. Dark brown with lights and shadows that usually make me feel relaxed. They’re open a little wider than usual, and he’s looking at me in a hopeful, worried way I haven’t seen before. The color has started to return to his cheeks, so he looks like himself again, but he isn’t being completely himself. His posture is all wrong. He’s tense, nervous that there’s an unspoken argument between us.

I know that because I know Orion. I’m good at reading him, even though I missed a fucking gigantic thing.

Still, I think I’m right about this.

There’s no way he’s fucked someone or gotten fucked and not told me.

17

Jordan

Ispent last night holed up in my room, reading about gay guys’ first sexual experiences online, and I’m not happy. I’m not happy at all. A lot of them mentioned how painful bottoming was, and that really upset me. It shouldn’t be like that. Butt sex is a big deal, and the last thing anyone should ever do is have it with a prick who doesn’t know what they’re doing.

Call me old-fashioned, but first-time anal is not the sort of thing you should do with someone you don’t know well.

Orion doesn’t really know many gay guys, so I think it might be best if he just holds off on the whole getting fucked thing for a while.

That’s another thing that’s been upsetting me. Orion has never said a word about his preferences, so I don’t even know if this is going to be an issue for him. I’m his best friend, and I literally don’t know if he’s a top, bottom, vers, or side.

Surely that’s the kind of thing the person closest to you should know?

18

Jordan

Orion was subdued yesterday, head and shoulders bowed a little lower than usual. I know it’s because things have been strained between us, but I’m not sure what to do about it.

I’m honestly not dealing with his coming out like I thought I would. I meant to be the most supportive friend ever, but every time I look at him, I see him the way I see him—the best, most interesting person I’ve ever met—and then I see him the way queer guys will see him. They’ll see deep-set dark eyes and shiny brown hair. A neat face that’s attractive in a masculine way that might lean slightly pretty, if that’s what they’re looking for. A way that bulges at the hinge of his jaw and goes kind of soft when his lips curl into a smile. They’ll see a body that’s lean and tight. They’ll think he’s attractive when they see him with his clothes on, but their eyes will bulge out of their sockets when he takes his shirt off because he has a sleeper build of note.

A build I helped him craft in the gym, by the way.

They’re going to be fucking over the moon when they find out he’s gay. They’re going to be all over him, and he’s going to love it. He’s going to be out all the time, making new gay friends, getting fucked rotten, and spending all his time with them. Gay guys are like that. I’ve seen lots of guys come out and then migrate their friend group until it’s only the girls and the gays.

That’s fine, obviously. In many ways I get it because the girls and the gays are the best, but I don’t want it happening with Orion.

I sigh loudly and draw a worried look from Orion. I don’t know how to explain myself, so I lean slowly and deliberately to the side, lift an ass cheek off the seat of the sofa, and let out a belter of a fart.

Orion snorts and tries not to smile. He thinks if he smiles, I’ll do it again, and he’s right. I have another one saved up, just in case. Little lines form at the corners of his mouth from the effort it costs him not to react. They’re enough to give my mood a nice little boost and set me at ease.

Andy’s gay, I remind myself. He’s friends with a ton of gay guys, but he and West are still super tight. Orion and I will be like that.

Fuck.

Andy.

Orion knows Andy pretty well. They’ve hung out tons of times, and Andy is a great guy. If Orion gets any ideas about wanting a guy he knows to fuck him, Andy would be a solid choice.

At least, Andy would be a good choice on paper. In reality, I’m not sure how wise it would be. Andy is good-looking in a very obvious way. A way you can’t miss. A way everyone notices when they meet him, and I don’t think that’s the right vibe for Orion at all.

There’s such a thing as too good-looking, and that’s what Andy is.

“Can we change the channel, please?”

My voice is a lot louder than I meant it to be. It makes Orion blink at me and toss me the remote like I’ve done something to annoy him.

19

Orion