Page 18 of Jealous Guy

Jesus. What am I thinking?

What am I doing, getting like this out in public?

I push the dregs of my drink away and try to think about something else. The music is so fucking loud now that the bass is no longer only auditory. It’s become a physical sensation. A somatic experience. One that pulses in my face and makes cerebrospinal fluid vibrate.

Honestly, I think I’ve had all the fun I can handle for one night. My head is throbbing and my throat has gone unpleasantly dry. I’m going to call it a night. Ordinarily, I’m a big believer in ducking and running without saying goodbye to anyone. But Jordan loses his shit and chases me down if he catches me doing it, so I weave through the throng of people on the dancefloor to find him.

He’s with that girl, Nat. She has him pressed against the wall, and she’s on her toes, whispering into his ear. His hands are roaming slowly down her back. I can’t even imagine the debauched shit she’s saying to him because his eyebrows are raised a lot higher than usual, which takes some doing.

I catch his eye, jerking my head toward the door to let him know I’m leaving. Hopefully, he’ll go back to Nat’s place tonight. It’s not normally something I want. I hate waking up in the apartment without him, but after the whole prostate thing and my flagrant disregard of Reality tonight, I’m going to need to jerk off a lot when I get home. Seriously, a lot. A lot, a lot. It’ll be way better for everyone if I’m alone in the apartment. That’s all I’m saying.

To my surprise, Jordan hugs Nat, kisses her on the cheek, and comes bounding over to me.

“What are you doing?” I ask when the crisp night air hits us and the thud of the music fades. “Nat was way into you.”

“Yeah, she was.” He doesn’t sound surprised, and why would he? “But she has a boyfriend.”

“What?” That’s the last thing I was expecting from the way she was acting.

“Yeah, he was out tonight too. He was at the bar watching us dance. They were looking for a third for the night, I guess.”

The mental image of Jordan having sex with another man in the room scrambles my thoughts significantly, but I get back on track with a little effort.

When I think about it, this is a good thing. This is reality, and I could do with a reminder.

“Not into being naked with another guy around, huh?” I prompt helpfully.

“Nah, I don’t really mind it.”

What?

Jesus. What the hell is up with tonight?

I can’t catch a fucking break.

“What do you mean you don’t mind it?” I ask, heart clattering in a new and very unpleasant way.

“Sharing’s cool. I don’t mind it… I kinda like it, actually, but from the way she described it, I got the feeling her boyfriend wanted to get into my space.”

I have no idea how to respond to that. Absolutely none. Most of my mind has gone completely blank, and the rest of it is reeling from the visuals of Jordan and a naked guy in a room together.

Actually, no.

You know what, this is good.

Yes, this is exactly what I need to hear him say to help me get over my little problem with him.

“And you’re not into fucking around with other guys…are you?” I suggest. Before he can respond, I answer for him because I’m so sure of what his answer will be. “No, of course not. You’re not wired like that. You think the idea of a guy touching you is…” I make a face and search for the right word. I can’t find it, so I end up going with, “Gross.”

Jordan stops walking and looks at me sharply. “I don’t think it’s gross, Orion. I just don’t think it’s for me.”

“Think,” I squawk faintly. “You don’t think it’s for you.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve thought about it, obviously.” Sweet Jesus. The hits just keep coming tonight. “Everyone does.” What? No, they fucking don’t! “It’s just… I don’t… I’ve never been in a situation that’s given me a major drive to try it, I guess. But there’s nothing wrong with it.”

I consider telling him I used the wrong word and didn’t mean what I said, but the whole conversation has gotten so out of control that I think it might be best to draw a line under it.

“Nice to see Riley out tonight, huh?” I say instead. To add a little flair to my performance, I add, “And West. It was really good to see West.”