Page 16 of The Tryout

Then I remember that, of course, plenty of these guys do know, and they’re overlooking it because they’ve been asked to.

And the others? Well, maybe they don’t want to see it.

I toss my duffel in the back of Tremblay’s SUV, then climb in the passenger side. I wonder if the next time I’m in Minneapolis, this will be Carter’s seat.

If there is a next time.

“Alright, kid, we’ve got about fifteen minutes before we’re back home and Jamie tries to ply you with lasagna and garlic bread. But you and I both know he’s never dealt with this, never been sent down. So if there’s anything you need to get off your chest, this is the time. God knows I spent enough time in a shitbox apartment in Des Moines.”

Looking at Ethan Tremblay now, it’s easy to forget this. Easy to forget that he, too, struggled to find a place on the Huskies’ roster. Yet here he is – captain, an All Star, and – at least as far as I can tell – all but living with the love of his life.

Things could be worse.

“I just…what did I do wrong?”

He presses his lips together, reaching a hand over to lie on my arm.

“Not a damn thing, Finn. You know that, right?”

I feel the tears start to rise again and close my eyes, leaning my head back against the seat.

“Did you…did you not want to go to college? Play a few years there?”

I know he means well, but it doesn’t help, the tightness in my chest growing. I shake my head, hoping the response will be enough.

“Yeah, me either. Not exactly a straight-A student, you know? Things were different then, though. Hardly anyone ever went to college, just straight to juniors and, if you were lucky, on to pro. I mean, really, it’s kind of amazing you’re even in the A at your age. Most kids your age are probably still with their Juniors teams, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I say, voice hoarse in a way I hope he doesn’t question. “That or college.”

“You ever think about trying that? Doing a couple years in Juniors?”

I try not to sigh. I know he’s just trying to help, but the fact of the matter is I never really had the money for that to be an option. I aged out of the program financing my gear the day I aged out of the system, and without a family to send me money a billet situation would never have worked out.

That day I’d been approached by an agent after practice my junior year of high school had been a fucking relief. Otherwise, I’d still be working at that rink, sharpening skates and struggling to pay for food. Instead, I’m making more money than I ever dreamed of, living in an apartment with my own room and enough food in the fridge.

But that doesn’t keep me from wanting more.

“No great teams where I grew up, and by the time I was looking at offers, the Pack were making one, too. And now I’ve burned my eligibility, anyway.”

That wasn’t something my agent had told me. That by deciding to sign with the AHL affiliate after being drafted rather than staying amateur, I was closing that door forever. Now, I’m doomed to this holding pattern of a career. I try to shake the unhelpful thought.

“But, I mean, you’re in Iowa because they know you’re what we need, not in three years or five, but soon. Y’know?”

I take another deep breath, cracking an eye open to look at Tremblay.

“Yeah?”

He nods, eyes still on the road.

“Yeah. Price is a free agent next year and, uh, I don’t think he’ll be sticking around for long.”

Tremblay’s face seems to tighten at this, which is odd. He’s never seemed all that close with Zach Price.

“Besides, I think you work with Matthews better than Price, anyway. I, uh… I shouldn’t tell you this, but I really tried to make that clear to Coach, and I don’t think he disagrees, exactly. But you can’t throw a fucking rock in the NHL without hitting a no-move clause these days, you know?”

I do know. People like Zach Price have put in the years and don’t want to spend the season in Iowa any more than I do. The difference is, they have bargaining power.

“I get it. And I know there’s tons of other twenty year old kids out there playing hockey for a lot less money than I am. Hell, most of them are paying for the privilege. I’ve just gotta put in the time.”