Page 19 of Gaze

Light. Smoke. Watch.

Light. Smoke. Watch.

“Those will kill you.” Steve's deadpan voice took me by surprise; I hadn’t heard him come in. He was much quieter than my guest last night.

“Good morning to you too.” I replied matching his sarcastic tone not taking my eyes off the window I was currently looking in. The bald man was trying to tie a tie and failing, any second his wife was going to walk over and do it for him.

I hear Steve place a soft package on the desk, I glance over at it - ironically, it’s another carton of smokes. I raised an eyebrow and he let out a warm chuckle.

“Good to see you survived the blackout” he said, pulling my desk chair out to sit next to me, his jeans bunching around his groin. I am sure if I was into men I would be quite impressed.

“I enjoy sitting in the dark” I mumble back as the woman bats away her husband's hands and sets about straightening the tie out. His eyes follow mine to where I am looking, a ghost of a smile glides across his face.

“That’s Sharon and Derick, but everyone calls him Bob- I don't know why” Steve offered, I could feel his attempt at connection.

“Do you know everyone in the building?” I ask hoping to sound innocent but really, I had an altered motive - I wanted to know if he knew the women that moved in opposite, the ones from the window. The one that might have been in my room last night.

“I try too” He whistles out as he scratches his several day-old stubble. The sound is crisp and loud in my almost silent apartment.

“Who are the people who moved into that apartment?” I ask, pointing at the darkened window that holds all my desires.

“That’s Laura and Anna” Steve said slowly peering over my shoulder. “Friends of Dorothy too - A couple I think”

I think so too, I muse to myself. Flashes of their activities cascade across my mind and a pool of desire fills my core. “Cool” I say trying to sound absent minded around the newfound dryness in my throat.

“Funny” he said in a way that made me think the next thing he said would be far from it. “Do y’all know each other? Because they asked after you already.”

I couldn’t hide the shock on my face fast enough. Rumbled. Shit.

“Not all lesbians know each other Steve” I said dryly.

“Not everyone spends all day looking out the window” He turned to look at me, the lines on his face were deeper “Jen.” He adds flatly.

“Did they complain?” I ask, my voice is thick, the desire still creeping up my spine as I think about watching them. I lick my chapped lips and think back to the other day.

“Not yet, but someone is going to catch you.”

“No, they won’t,” I know it’s a lie, I have already been caught, been watched, and I loved every second of it.

“You need to stop Jen,” he pleaded with me, “nothing good can come from this.”

“I’m not doing anything” I wave him off refusing to look back at him

“I noticed Lisa hasn't been back.” He tried to sound caring, he even reaches out to touch my arm, but I pull it away. He doesn’t know what he is talking about.

“What of it?” I sneer back, not taking my eyes off the window. I realize there is a prickle of tears in my eyes. I don't know where they have come from.

“You know what?” He snaps back “I am not going to lecture you Jen, but one day that leg will be healed and you are going to have to live with the life you made.”

Silence. It hangs in the room like a fog, me stewing over his incorrect words. Him waiting for me to say something. I don't.

After what feels like an age he gets up and leaves, placing a hand on my shoulder as he goes.

And once again I am left alone.

chapter

twenty