Page 68 of Requiem

The girl can’t get away from our table fast enough. I turn back to Trudy, unsure of whether or not I’m offended.

“Even if I can come to some understanding of that,” I concede at last, “of her decision to leave and not take me, how can she possibly justify not coming back?”

Trudy sits back in her chair and folds her arms across her chest. In this light, I can see that her light brown hair, cut to chin length, is threaded with silver. She looks tired suddenly. And, if I’m not mistaken, just a little bit sad. Oh, hell. I have to remember that this woman just lost her husband … and here I am bringing up my ancient baggage.

“Trudy, let’s just talk about something more pleasant …”

She puts a warm, delicate hand over mine. “We will in just a moment, I just want to finish this. To answer your question, I don’t know why she didn’t come back. Perhaps she wasn’t secure enough in her sobriety or didn’t trust herself … I wish I had the answer for you, but I don’t. There’s only one person who does …your mother.”

“So, you think I should reach out to her?”

She gives me a small, sympathetic smile. “I think that there’s no wrong answer here, Julia. And, there’s no time limit on this. You may not be ready to hear her now …but possibly later you’ll feel differently. The best advice I can give you, Dear, is to consider the circumstances around her … departure … and try, as amother, to see if her actions are redeemable, or even explainable, in any situation. Then, listen to your heart, Julia. It won’t steer you wrong.”

I want to snort, but it comes out more like a hiccuppy sob.

“Oh, but it did, Trudy,” I sniff, using a napkin to dab at my damp eyes. “My heart steered me right into Jeremy.”

I don’t know where the strength to say that to her came from, but there it is. My words are like a living, breathing thing at the table with us.

“Yes,” she says at last. “Yes, I suppose you’re right about that.”