Page 87 of The Apparent Trap

“Alright, leave Dawson’s Creek out of it for a second,” he says, turning back to me. “I don’t know how we got here.”

“Because you accidentally said, like, the most famous line from the theme song,” the same forty-something woman interjects.

He shakes his head. “Okay, right, apologies for that.” He takes a step closer to me. I notice he’s holding one of his BLTs from the show in a little to-go baggie. “I know I messed everything up at pretty much every possible stage. I know this is more tangled than anything you should have to put up with. But, what Carmen said the other day—that I deserved my own happiness too—it knocked the wind out of me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And of course I knew what she was talking about. I knew what made me happy, I just thought I wasn’t allowed to have it. But I’m crazy about you. And I can’t keep pretending I’m not. I know this is a lot all at once, and you must have a ton of questions, but then—just ask me them. I want to answer anything you want to know.”

His words hit me right in the center, and I have no idea how to respond. But before I can even try, an elderly lady sitting a few feet behind us goes, “Speak up, we can’t eavesdrop!”

We both turn in her direction.

“We’re already invested,” she says with a shrug.

The train stops at the station, and a few people get on and off, but mostly everyone else keeps watching the drama unfolding in front of them as we pull away and start moving again.

I look back at Lee, embarrassed, but he’s only focused on me. Apparently he couldn’t give a damn that everyone’s watching. I guess he made that part clear with the segment.

But he’s right to have guessed I would have a lot of questions. And I do want to know the answers. I can’t wait anymore. “What about ruining everything by not having a model for a healthy relationship?” I ask first.

He shakes his head. “I know I said that, but I can’t let the past dictate my present.” He takes a deep breath. “Look at everything I have now. I’ve built a career from nothing. I have my daughter. And I want you. I deserve to try.”

“What about what I deserve?”

He looks down. “I can’t answer for you whether you think I’m worthy of that.”

I’m so surprised, I reach out and lift his face back to mine. “That’s not what I’m asking!” I explain. “You said before, our age difference—”

“Oh hell yes, sugar daddy!” another passenger interjects, and Lee finally blushes.

“Not that,” I yell back, and everyone falls silent again. “You said I was too young for you. I disagree, by the way, but I just . . . Have you actually thought this through?”

He nods. “Well, I keep thinking about what Carmen’s mother did to me. In part, she kept my own daughter from me because of my age. I realized it was a little ridiculous for me to make any decisions on your behalf because of age when I was so angry that someone did that to me.”

I move my hand down to cover his heart. It hurts to think of how much pain this man has been through. It makes all my other doubts seem so much less important.

“And that’s enough, to you?”

“We’re only half of Monica and Richard’s gap,” he says with a shrug, and I shake my head.

“What about Carmen?”

At that he grins. “I talked to her, the day after Christmas. Keeping things from each other is how we got ourselves into this entire mess. I have to be honest with Carmen, and pretending like I don’t have feelings for you wasn’t serving anyone.”

“So it is a love triangle!” someone pipes up.

“Keep track, sounds like Carmen’s his daughter.”

“Let the man speak!” the teenager yells, and everyone quiets down again.

He looks around, suppressing a laugh. “Right. As I was saying, not that it’s anyone’s business, but yes, Carmen is my daughter, and she’s quite brilliant and apparently also not blind.” Everyone chuckles like this man is clearly so obviously gone, no one would question it. He looks back at me, ignoring the rest. “When I told her I had feelings for you, she’d already guessed as much and was extremely encouraging. So much so that she and Georgia helped me to come up with a plan. I really wanted you to know I’m serious, that you can trust it, that I’m not changing my mind.”

“So Carmen swapped with Georgia today on purpose?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“And what about my dad?”

“I asked yesterday if I could come see him,” he admits. “And . . . we had quite the heart-to-heart. Not just about you, but about Carmen and aging and love . . .” He stops, realizing he’s said a word neither of us has dared utter anywhere near each other. “I just mean, it was good. It was honest. I’m glad we were able to clear the air.”

“You don’t . . .” I pause, my heart racing. All my protective excuses are wearing away, but there are still questions swirling. “How do you know you’re not just interested because it wasn’t allowed, and now, because of Carmen’s breakup, it seems like it is?”